Watching the 6th season of the Simpsons (the best season of the whole series) motivated me to form a "secret" society like the Stonecutters.
I like the fact that all they do is drink and be merry. We can do the same. Of course, from time to time, we can swing history in our favor too.
I must think of a great name for it.
I wonder what "Death to all humans" in Latin or Ancient Greek might be...
Saturday, August 27, 2005
Woes of a SUV owner
I was watching news today when I saw a woman complaining about how she has to cut back on food purchases and other purchases for her children because she had to pay $50 filling up her SUV. She didn't understand what was going on with the economy.
I laughed.
First of all, the woman spent $40,000 on her fancy new 2005 SUV.
Second, the woman bought a SUV.
Third, if she had purchased a cheaper car with better gas mileage, she could have given her children more and paid less overall in gas.
So I laughed. I have no sympathy for these people. Let them suffer. And let their children suffer. That's the only way people will learn....through the suffering of children.
Don't get me wrong, I have no problems with people purchasing $100,000 cars burning gas everywhere. I have no problem destroying the environment. I have no problem with 5 mpg Hummers. But when these owners start complaining about gas prices and the cost of living, I start to laugh.
I laughed.
First of all, the woman spent $40,000 on her fancy new 2005 SUV.
Second, the woman bought a SUV.
Third, if she had purchased a cheaper car with better gas mileage, she could have given her children more and paid less overall in gas.
So I laughed. I have no sympathy for these people. Let them suffer. And let their children suffer. That's the only way people will learn....through the suffering of children.
Don't get me wrong, I have no problems with people purchasing $100,000 cars burning gas everywhere. I have no problem destroying the environment. I have no problem with 5 mpg Hummers. But when these owners start complaining about gas prices and the cost of living, I start to laugh.
Wednesday, August 24, 2005
Post office woman from hell
I have used the USPS all my life. They have been reliable for me and I have not had many problems with their service.
Until today.
I went into the local post office to mail a package. The box was a priority mail box, the kind that they have available for free at the post office.
When I arrived, there was no one at the office and I immediately found myself being helped by a nice friendly gentleman at the counter. The man asked,
"Did you want to send this by priority, which is $18 dollars or would you like to send it overnight for $45 dollars?"
I thought about this for a few seconds and determined that overnight-ing the package might be a good idea. So, I told him that I would like to send the package via express mail.
The man said "no problem" and gave me the extra forms that I needed to fill out.
I filled out the forms and returned to the counter.
I was about to hand the man the package once again when a female civil service employee walked in.
She said to me, "What are you doing?"
I replied, "I'm handing him my package."
She stated, "You can't send that. You can't send priority mail box express."
I said, "Okay....can you tell me why?"
She said, "That's a priority mail box. You can't send it express. It has those letters on the side that says 'Priority'. You can only send that box by priority"
I thought to myself, Jesus, I'm spending an extra $20 bucks to send it overnight, you would think that they would want the extra money. Oh well, i guess rules are rules.
I then asked her, "So if the letters on the side of the box that said 'priority' was hidden in some way, I could send it?"
"Yeah"
Okay, so I looked around the office. There was a black sharpie in one of her pen holders. I asked,
"May I borrow the sharpie ma'am?"
"No."
I asked, "Why not?"
She said, "It's not yours and you can't use it if you're going to use it on that box."
"Um...okay. May I then borrow some of your express mail packaging stickers that you give free to the customers so I can cover up the letters?"
I guess I stumped her on that one. She quietly thought about it and replied,
"No."
I said, "Ma'am, I am just trying to send this package. And I'm going to spend a lot of money here doing so. Can't you just hand me those free express mail packaging tape that you have one your counter so I can send this and leave?"
"No."
I wanted to go postal at this point. Sympathy was flowing for those crazy postal workers who went ballistic.
"Fine." I said curtly. I started to walk into the lobby when I caught a glimpse of the man who was helping me before. He had a "I'm sorry she's such a bitch but hey, at least YOU don't have to work with this whore day in and day out" look.
I gave him a nod and went back into the lobby.
I looked around A-team style and tried to figure out what to do. I decided that i'll take one of those overpriced clear packing tape, rip those priority mail paper envelopes into strips big enough to just cover the letters, and tape it up.
I took the next five minutes taping up the box. My anger was at a high at this point. I wanted to trash the lobby. I was very close to doing so until I thought a) getting arrested would not be good b) the bitch would probably make the nice male postal worker clean up the mess.
I kept my calm and approached the counter again with my newly covered box.
The lady decided to personally wait on me. She said, "I can't allow you do monopolize my time by helping you cover up the box."
I look around the office. There were still no customers.
I did not reply.
She then said, "woah, this is gonna cost you $45." She said this in a tone that reeked of "I told you so, you should have used priority you stupid kid".
I still did not reply.
"This is gonna cost you a lot."
I replied, "Is there a question?"
She got the hint and said, "$45 bucks total". I handed her my debit card and paid for it.
As I left, I looked at the male worker one last time. Again, he had a look that said, "Don't cry for me. I'm already dead".
My god, these encounters with lamias are wearing me out. Is there no happy kind females anywhere in this state? I'm thinking, no.
Until today.
I went into the local post office to mail a package. The box was a priority mail box, the kind that they have available for free at the post office.
When I arrived, there was no one at the office and I immediately found myself being helped by a nice friendly gentleman at the counter. The man asked,
"Did you want to send this by priority, which is $18 dollars or would you like to send it overnight for $45 dollars?"
I thought about this for a few seconds and determined that overnight-ing the package might be a good idea. So, I told him that I would like to send the package via express mail.
The man said "no problem" and gave me the extra forms that I needed to fill out.
I filled out the forms and returned to the counter.
I was about to hand the man the package once again when a female civil service employee walked in.
She said to me, "What are you doing?"
I replied, "I'm handing him my package."
She stated, "You can't send that. You can't send priority mail box express."
I said, "Okay....can you tell me why?"
She said, "That's a priority mail box. You can't send it express. It has those letters on the side that says 'Priority'. You can only send that box by priority"
I thought to myself, Jesus, I'm spending an extra $20 bucks to send it overnight, you would think that they would want the extra money. Oh well, i guess rules are rules.
I then asked her, "So if the letters on the side of the box that said 'priority' was hidden in some way, I could send it?"
"Yeah"
Okay, so I looked around the office. There was a black sharpie in one of her pen holders. I asked,
"May I borrow the sharpie ma'am?"
"No."
I asked, "Why not?"
She said, "It's not yours and you can't use it if you're going to use it on that box."
"Um...okay. May I then borrow some of your express mail packaging stickers that you give free to the customers so I can cover up the letters?"
I guess I stumped her on that one. She quietly thought about it and replied,
"No."
I said, "Ma'am, I am just trying to send this package. And I'm going to spend a lot of money here doing so. Can't you just hand me those free express mail packaging tape that you have one your counter so I can send this and leave?"
"No."
I wanted to go postal at this point. Sympathy was flowing for those crazy postal workers who went ballistic.
"Fine." I said curtly. I started to walk into the lobby when I caught a glimpse of the man who was helping me before. He had a "I'm sorry she's such a bitch but hey, at least YOU don't have to work with this whore day in and day out" look.
I gave him a nod and went back into the lobby.
I looked around A-team style and tried to figure out what to do. I decided that i'll take one of those overpriced clear packing tape, rip those priority mail paper envelopes into strips big enough to just cover the letters, and tape it up.
I took the next five minutes taping up the box. My anger was at a high at this point. I wanted to trash the lobby. I was very close to doing so until I thought a) getting arrested would not be good b) the bitch would probably make the nice male postal worker clean up the mess.
I kept my calm and approached the counter again with my newly covered box.
The lady decided to personally wait on me. She said, "I can't allow you do monopolize my time by helping you cover up the box."
I look around the office. There were still no customers.
I did not reply.
She then said, "woah, this is gonna cost you $45." She said this in a tone that reeked of "I told you so, you should have used priority you stupid kid".
I still did not reply.
"This is gonna cost you a lot."
I replied, "Is there a question?"
She got the hint and said, "$45 bucks total". I handed her my debit card and paid for it.
As I left, I looked at the male worker one last time. Again, he had a look that said, "Don't cry for me. I'm already dead".
My god, these encounters with lamias are wearing me out. Is there no happy kind females anywhere in this state? I'm thinking, no.
Thursday, August 18, 2005
I'm on the Cellphone muthafucka
Once again I find myself at the local McDonalds drive-thru. After a hard day's work, I wanted to purchase a chicken combo for the drive home. Before this quest could be fulfilled however, I had to deal with the guy ahead of me in his 97 Honda Civic.
The man in front of me was in his mid 20s in a blue pinstriped suit. His hair was slicked back and he had gold jewelery all over his hands. He also had one of those swanky cell phones, a mark of great importance and status.
The man started to place his order in the magic box when suddenly his cell phone rang a loud ring. The polyphonic melody reselmbed that of Fat Joe's medly.
"Wassup man. Yeah. Yeah. I'm getting McDonalds"
Now, the woman in the box thought, understandably, the man in the car was talking to her. After all, he was in the middle of ordering his combo meal. When the woman started to probe the man to see whether she had the order right, the considerate man shouted,
"Can't you see I'm on the fucking cellphone?"
I laughed.
It was so ridiculous on so many levels, i had no choice but to laugh.
After he took his sweet time talking to his "bud" on the cell phone, he graciously moved his car forward to the payment window. His spectacle created a long line of cars that spilled over on the main street.
I always wondered about the mentality of these people. Did they have absolutely no consideration for others? Were they just born as assholes? Did society breed them this way? As I pondered these questions, I drove onward...munching on my cold limp fries.
The man in front of me was in his mid 20s in a blue pinstriped suit. His hair was slicked back and he had gold jewelery all over his hands. He also had one of those swanky cell phones, a mark of great importance and status.
The man started to place his order in the magic box when suddenly his cell phone rang a loud ring. The polyphonic melody reselmbed that of Fat Joe's medly.
"Wassup man. Yeah. Yeah. I'm getting McDonalds"
Now, the woman in the box thought, understandably, the man in the car was talking to her. After all, he was in the middle of ordering his combo meal. When the woman started to probe the man to see whether she had the order right, the considerate man shouted,
"Can't you see I'm on the fucking cellphone?"
I laughed.
It was so ridiculous on so many levels, i had no choice but to laugh.
After he took his sweet time talking to his "bud" on the cell phone, he graciously moved his car forward to the payment window. His spectacle created a long line of cars that spilled over on the main street.
I always wondered about the mentality of these people. Did they have absolutely no consideration for others? Were they just born as assholes? Did society breed them this way? As I pondered these questions, I drove onward...munching on my cold limp fries.
Sunday, August 14, 2005
Shitty Conversation
I was at a public loo participating in the ritual of micturition when I heard two gentlemen talking to each other in the stalls. They started talking about how their stomachs were hurting and that they had been waiting all day to engage in defecation. From their conversations, I gathered they were perfect strangers, having only met fortutitously in this public shit dumpster. One gentleman then proceeded to rip a loud fart and vacated his bowels with great vigour.
I found all of this quite odd. I felt as though I was in some dream....a shitty dream. I personally follow the unwritten unspoken rule of public restrooms. When I'm pissing, I look straight ahead, do my business, grunt a satisfactory grunt, and leave the premises post-haste. When I'm defecating in public, I engage in multiple courtesy flushes and try to keep my "shameful" business discreet, taking extra care to not shit on the seats.
When I finally left the bathroom, the gentlemen were talking politics and laughing it up.
So the question is, have I "got it all wrong"? Am I supposed to talk to the people around me for moral support while taking a shit? Am I not "with it"? I think I will try to be brave next time I take a crap in public, and start a conversation about the latest episode of Family Guy with the shitty guy next to me. Who knows, maybe I'll find my new best friend.
I found all of this quite odd. I felt as though I was in some dream....a shitty dream. I personally follow the unwritten unspoken rule of public restrooms. When I'm pissing, I look straight ahead, do my business, grunt a satisfactory grunt, and leave the premises post-haste. When I'm defecating in public, I engage in multiple courtesy flushes and try to keep my "shameful" business discreet, taking extra care to not shit on the seats.
When I finally left the bathroom, the gentlemen were talking politics and laughing it up.
So the question is, have I "got it all wrong"? Am I supposed to talk to the people around me for moral support while taking a shit? Am I not "with it"? I think I will try to be brave next time I take a crap in public, and start a conversation about the latest episode of Family Guy with the shitty guy next to me. Who knows, maybe I'll find my new best friend.
Thursday, August 04, 2005
Aubrey/Maturin Novels
I am currently reading the Aubrey/Maturin novels written by Patrick O'Brian. They are excellent books.
They started out difficult to understand. It was frustrating in the beginning because I didn't know what the hell was going on. I am a landlubber and I do not understand anything about Naval terms, let alone Naval terms during the Napoleonic era. However, fancy maneuvres and ship riggings are not as important to me as character development. I find the dynamic betwen Aubrey and Maturin fascinating. Maturin is everything I would like to be in a human being.
Maturin is a secret agent for the British. He is extremely competent and he does his job without asking for anything in return. He has great knowledge and skill. He's also eccentric. He brings aboard Aubrey's Man-Of-War strange creatures he wishes to study, to everyone's dismay. He brings bees, sloths, rats, and other weird and strange bugs and animals. He is also dirty, tactless (when it comes to Naval traditions), and funky. He dresses in the funkiest, though practical, clothing.
Maturin and Aubrey are closest friends. However, they do fight various times through out the books. They would fight about tradition, politics, and women (love triangle thing).
I realized that this post has become a 1st grade book report so I will stop. My Zeus, I have become retarded in a span of two months.
In any case, I would recommend reading this series. I haven't been this engrossed since Harry Potter. I wear a wizard hat and cloak and practice my magic using a wand during my adventures with Harry Potter. I think pretty soon, I'll have to buy a 19th century British Post Captain's Hat and Sword.
I was never a fantasy reader but these days I am beginning to love them. I think certain books must be read during certain times in your life to have the greatest impact. But that analysis is for a later time.
BTW, I'm getting more and more pissed off about Kant's analysis of morality. I know Kant struts around philosophy domain like he owns the place but I feel like the fucker went nuts. I wish I knew German well enough to spread my own gospel/bullshit. I remember the days of Locke. His books are so comfortable. They are like marshmellows...soft and cuddly. I can open the book on any page and his reasoning is clear. I may not agree with him but they're clear. The only German guy I tolerate is Nietzsche and the other dude whose name I won't mention.
They started out difficult to understand. It was frustrating in the beginning because I didn't know what the hell was going on. I am a landlubber and I do not understand anything about Naval terms, let alone Naval terms during the Napoleonic era. However, fancy maneuvres and ship riggings are not as important to me as character development. I find the dynamic betwen Aubrey and Maturin fascinating. Maturin is everything I would like to be in a human being.
Maturin is a secret agent for the British. He is extremely competent and he does his job without asking for anything in return. He has great knowledge and skill. He's also eccentric. He brings aboard Aubrey's Man-Of-War strange creatures he wishes to study, to everyone's dismay. He brings bees, sloths, rats, and other weird and strange bugs and animals. He is also dirty, tactless (when it comes to Naval traditions), and funky. He dresses in the funkiest, though practical, clothing.
Maturin and Aubrey are closest friends. However, they do fight various times through out the books. They would fight about tradition, politics, and women (love triangle thing).
I realized that this post has become a 1st grade book report so I will stop. My Zeus, I have become retarded in a span of two months.
In any case, I would recommend reading this series. I haven't been this engrossed since Harry Potter. I wear a wizard hat and cloak and practice my magic using a wand during my adventures with Harry Potter. I think pretty soon, I'll have to buy a 19th century British Post Captain's Hat and Sword.
I was never a fantasy reader but these days I am beginning to love them. I think certain books must be read during certain times in your life to have the greatest impact. But that analysis is for a later time.
BTW, I'm getting more and more pissed off about Kant's analysis of morality. I know Kant struts around philosophy domain like he owns the place but I feel like the fucker went nuts. I wish I knew German well enough to spread my own gospel/bullshit. I remember the days of Locke. His books are so comfortable. They are like marshmellows...soft and cuddly. I can open the book on any page and his reasoning is clear. I may not agree with him but they're clear. The only German guy I tolerate is Nietzsche and the other dude whose name I won't mention.
Tuesday, July 12, 2005
Time is the fire in which we burn
I realized that is has been over a month since the last update. Well, i must tell you that the 4th dimension affects me little these days. I have no concept of time. I keep track of time in a really gross way. I check my finger nails. You see, in my profession of retail, we need to be strictly groomed. Problem is, I'm a slob and proud of it. I don't believe in fancy clothing or fancy looks. I figured, why lie to the world about who I really am? (This gets into a whole other realm of courting and attracting members of the opposite sex but i don't have the time to get into it right now)
But in the industry, it's all about looking better than the clients. So when I check my nails and it has grown, I know that a certain amount of time has gone by. I then check my calendar and see that I'm getting older and older and poorer and poorer.
So anyway, if I don't call or email or respond to people in months, rest assured that I'm probably thinking that only a couple of days has gone by.
But in the industry, it's all about looking better than the clients. So when I check my nails and it has grown, I know that a certain amount of time has gone by. I then check my calendar and see that I'm getting older and older and poorer and poorer.
So anyway, if I don't call or email or respond to people in months, rest assured that I'm probably thinking that only a couple of days has gone by.
Lies
I went to a certain electronics store we all know and love. I'll call it Pry's.
I went in to purchase a monitor on sale. I asked them if they had any in stock. The guy, looking straight at me, said, "we have none in stock. We sold out."
Normally, I would have believed him. After all, Pry's has many sales and most of the good items sell out quick. But for some reason, I did not believe him. He then proceeded to show me a more expensive monitor and was attempting to sell me the alternative instead.
So, I asked him to type up the item number in the computer. I asked him to check whether other Pry's in the area had more in stock.
He turned on his computer and then started typing up the item number. I am not sure if it was deliberate, but he typed in the wrong number. Fortunately, I had the correct number written down on a piece of paper just in case Pry's employees suddenly happened to get amnesia.
When he typed in the correct number, the computer showed that the store had 134 of those monitors in stock and a total of 1000 in various stores in the area. The man said nothing, went toward the forbidden holding area and brought out my monitor.
I thanked the man and walked away.
As I was walking away, he yelled, "Do you want some extra warranty?"
Incredible.
I went in to purchase a monitor on sale. I asked them if they had any in stock. The guy, looking straight at me, said, "we have none in stock. We sold out."
Normally, I would have believed him. After all, Pry's has many sales and most of the good items sell out quick. But for some reason, I did not believe him. He then proceeded to show me a more expensive monitor and was attempting to sell me the alternative instead.
So, I asked him to type up the item number in the computer. I asked him to check whether other Pry's in the area had more in stock.
He turned on his computer and then started typing up the item number. I am not sure if it was deliberate, but he typed in the wrong number. Fortunately, I had the correct number written down on a piece of paper just in case Pry's employees suddenly happened to get amnesia.
When he typed in the correct number, the computer showed that the store had 134 of those monitors in stock and a total of 1000 in various stores in the area. The man said nothing, went toward the forbidden holding area and brought out my monitor.
I thanked the man and walked away.
As I was walking away, he yelled, "Do you want some extra warranty?"
Incredible.
Thursday, June 09, 2005
Freshly Paved Potholes
Everyone around here knows that there are a lot of potholes.
If I decide to live out my life here, I would be forced to buy a gas guzzling, spontaneously exploding SUV with All wheel super offroad capability. If you do not have this, your car, in one years time, will be destroyed.
I have a sedan. In 1 month's time, my alignment went to shit. I hear noises that i have never heard before and the car is becoming a junker as the days pass. Mix that with snow, rain, dust, shit that bombard my car every day, your car gets royally ass kicked.
They "repaved" the main road near my abode. I thought to myself, "Finally. Some smooth road". In 2 day's time, potholes the size of Kentucky littered the road. What is the freakin' point? It took them 2 years to repave the road but in 2 days, the road went to crap. I swear, either the land is bloody fu*ked up or the incompetence runs rampant. Either way, I'm screwed.
I think the environmentalists should focus on fixing the roads here. Maybe then people wouldn't be forced to buy SUVs. Then we can drive those hybrids everyone is talking about. Just for your information, most people buy the Porsche Cayenne around here. Apparently it's good.
If I decide to live out my life here, I would be forced to buy a gas guzzling, spontaneously exploding SUV with All wheel super offroad capability. If you do not have this, your car, in one years time, will be destroyed.
I have a sedan. In 1 month's time, my alignment went to shit. I hear noises that i have never heard before and the car is becoming a junker as the days pass. Mix that with snow, rain, dust, shit that bombard my car every day, your car gets royally ass kicked.
They "repaved" the main road near my abode. I thought to myself, "Finally. Some smooth road". In 2 day's time, potholes the size of Kentucky littered the road. What is the freakin' point? It took them 2 years to repave the road but in 2 days, the road went to crap. I swear, either the land is bloody fu*ked up or the incompetence runs rampant. Either way, I'm screwed.
I think the environmentalists should focus on fixing the roads here. Maybe then people wouldn't be forced to buy SUVs. Then we can drive those hybrids everyone is talking about. Just for your information, most people buy the Porsche Cayenne around here. Apparently it's good.
Tuesday, June 07, 2005
The Jaywalker
I was waiting at a red light when suddenly, a woman out of nowhere ran by the hood of my car.
Why was I surprised?
Here are some reasons:
1) The area in front of me was not a designated crosswalk
2) I was waiting out the red in a 8 lane thoroughfare with major traffic
3) She was a zaftig woman.
4) She was running in high heels
5) She was weaving in and out of many cars.
6) She scowled at me.
I was perplexed by the last gesture. I did not know why she would be angry. I was just sitting in my car minding my own business. My facial expression had not changed, though in my mind, I was amazed. If anything, I should be pissed at her for putting my insurance on the line for this woman. Perhaps she was angry at me for not building a crosswalk here in my free time. Who knows. Maybe I need to stop going out.
Why was I surprised?
Here are some reasons:
1) The area in front of me was not a designated crosswalk
2) I was waiting out the red in a 8 lane thoroughfare with major traffic
3) She was a zaftig woman.
4) She was running in high heels
5) She was weaving in and out of many cars.
6) She scowled at me.
I was perplexed by the last gesture. I did not know why she would be angry. I was just sitting in my car minding my own business. My facial expression had not changed, though in my mind, I was amazed. If anything, I should be pissed at her for putting my insurance on the line for this woman. Perhaps she was angry at me for not building a crosswalk here in my free time. Who knows. Maybe I need to stop going out.
Sunday, June 05, 2005
Waiter Rant
I'm obsessed with the waiter rant blog. I need to find out where he works!!
If someone knows, please tell me!!!!! Argh!
Waiter Rant here suckas!
I know only this:
1) He's a dude
2) He works at upscale Tuscan Italian Bistro
3) His restaurant sounds good.
If someone knows, please tell me!!!!! Argh!
Waiter Rant here suckas!
I know only this:
1) He's a dude
2) He works at upscale Tuscan Italian Bistro
3) His restaurant sounds good.
Yo! Yo! Cancel all that!
The point of drive-thru is to get your food fast. Well, that's my opinion any way. I think that drive-thrus weren't built to have long conversations with tellers or take 20 minutes deciding what you want to eat. Most drive thrus, i believe, should be used by those who know what they want, who have the money, and who want to get out of there as quickly as possible.
Apparently, these aren't the rules that some people follow.
The car in front of me drove to the teller box. The "impatient" man, as soon as he got within' shouting distance of the box, started screaming at the worker to take his order.
"Yo! Anyone there?!?"
The lady in the box said, "Yes, may I help you?"
The man then proceded to order a long list of combos, drinks, and other items from the short list of drive-thru menu items. Not only that, there were substitutions.
I know all this because he was shouting so loud that even God herself woke up and said, "Shut the hell up!"
Anyway, it seemed as though he was almost through when I saw the wife lean over and say something to him. He then said,
"Yo! Yo! Cancel all that! We're gonna start over"
**There is silence in the box**
After a minute, the lady on the other side said, "Ok sir. What would you like"
Even through the crappy voice machine, i could feel her frustration.
The man then proceeded to order some other combination of food and accessories.
I was hungry, frustrated, and laughing. "This is so ridiculous," I thought to myself.
Some places have these timers to tell you how long the workers took to get your food. I think they should have a timer for the ordering process. If you don't get your order in, you get charged extra for overtime x the number of people waiting behind them. If there is no one in the drive thru lane other than yourself, you can take your sweet ass time. If there are others, times a tickin'
Apparently, these aren't the rules that some people follow.
The car in front of me drove to the teller box. The "impatient" man, as soon as he got within' shouting distance of the box, started screaming at the worker to take his order.
"Yo! Anyone there?!?"
The lady in the box said, "Yes, may I help you?"
The man then proceded to order a long list of combos, drinks, and other items from the short list of drive-thru menu items. Not only that, there were substitutions.
I know all this because he was shouting so loud that even God herself woke up and said, "Shut the hell up!"
Anyway, it seemed as though he was almost through when I saw the wife lean over and say something to him. He then said,
"Yo! Yo! Cancel all that! We're gonna start over"
**There is silence in the box**
After a minute, the lady on the other side said, "Ok sir. What would you like"
Even through the crappy voice machine, i could feel her frustration.
The man then proceeded to order some other combination of food and accessories.
I was hungry, frustrated, and laughing. "This is so ridiculous," I thought to myself.
Some places have these timers to tell you how long the workers took to get your food. I think they should have a timer for the ordering process. If you don't get your order in, you get charged extra for overtime x the number of people waiting behind them. If there is no one in the drive thru lane other than yourself, you can take your sweet ass time. If there are others, times a tickin'
Friday, June 03, 2005
Drugs and Construction
I was talking to a local construction worker. He seemed like an amiable gentleman in his early 40s. We talked about the current state of highways near my place when he divulged some info about the business around these parts.
He says that at least 3/4 of workers have drug or alcohol problems in the state. Most of the drug problems deal with cocaine and heroine. Many individuals he personal had worked with have been drunk on the job at one time or another. Unions protect them from everything.
He also said that if you were not an alcoholic and did not use drugs, you could write your own ticket anywhere. You would be coveted by major corporations.
Now, I'm not sure if this info is true or if it reflects the reality of things in the very least but it is still amazing. Maybe the reason they can't seem to finish the jobs in time and budget is because the companies have all of these other problems they have to worry about. I know that in other states, a collapsed stretch of highway have been rebuilt in 6 months good as new. In this state, for some reason, it takes them 5 years to widen a 1 mile stretch of highway. Also, the costs are enormous. If it costs $200,000 in one state, it costs $5 million here (this is according to an individual who tried to start projects in this state).
In any case, it's apalling to think that my life on the road is in the hands of some of these individuals. Frightening.
He says that at least 3/4 of workers have drug or alcohol problems in the state. Most of the drug problems deal with cocaine and heroine. Many individuals he personal had worked with have been drunk on the job at one time or another. Unions protect them from everything.
He also said that if you were not an alcoholic and did not use drugs, you could write your own ticket anywhere. You would be coveted by major corporations.
Now, I'm not sure if this info is true or if it reflects the reality of things in the very least but it is still amazing. Maybe the reason they can't seem to finish the jobs in time and budget is because the companies have all of these other problems they have to worry about. I know that in other states, a collapsed stretch of highway have been rebuilt in 6 months good as new. In this state, for some reason, it takes them 5 years to widen a 1 mile stretch of highway. Also, the costs are enormous. If it costs $200,000 in one state, it costs $5 million here (this is according to an individual who tried to start projects in this state).
In any case, it's apalling to think that my life on the road is in the hands of some of these individuals. Frightening.
Thursday, June 02, 2005
Ferrari And Me
I drove to my local Target today and lo and behold, the ferrari that i mentioned before in my previous post drove past me.
I could finally put a face on this particular Target red ferrari.
The man driving it is in his mid 40s. He's a slightly balding caucasian male with an attitude.
Why am I writing about this banal incident?
Well, when i got out of my car, he was passing by me with his red spectacle. But curiously, he was glaring at me. I did not know this man so I thought nothing of it.
But then, he drove around and then passed me again. And again he stared at me.
I continued to walk the lonely walk toward the Target entrance.
The man kept circling the parking lot but he continued to pass me while staring.
He did this 7 times.
This was really strange. "Have I done something wrong?" I thought. "Did I do something to offend him or oppress him somehow? Did I wrong him in a previous life? Did I kill his son in battle, God forbid?"
Then I thought, maybe I stole his parking space.
I think that was it.
You see, this parking structure has numbered spaces so it's easy to remember what your favorite spot may be. I have seen him park his ferrari near where I had parked my car today. Maybe it was his special space. Of course, he usually takes 2 spaces but that's beside the point.
He finally parked at another remote corner of the parking lot where no cars were around it.
What an eccentric guy. I hope I become just like him.
I could finally put a face on this particular Target red ferrari.
The man driving it is in his mid 40s. He's a slightly balding caucasian male with an attitude.
Why am I writing about this banal incident?
Well, when i got out of my car, he was passing by me with his red spectacle. But curiously, he was glaring at me. I did not know this man so I thought nothing of it.
But then, he drove around and then passed me again. And again he stared at me.
I continued to walk the lonely walk toward the Target entrance.
The man kept circling the parking lot but he continued to pass me while staring.
He did this 7 times.
This was really strange. "Have I done something wrong?" I thought. "Did I do something to offend him or oppress him somehow? Did I wrong him in a previous life? Did I kill his son in battle, God forbid?"
Then I thought, maybe I stole his parking space.
I think that was it.
You see, this parking structure has numbered spaces so it's easy to remember what your favorite spot may be. I have seen him park his ferrari near where I had parked my car today. Maybe it was his special space. Of course, he usually takes 2 spaces but that's beside the point.
He finally parked at another remote corner of the parking lot where no cars were around it.
What an eccentric guy. I hope I become just like him.
Tuesday, May 31, 2005
Don't Stop on a Highway
There are very few reasons why you would stop in the middle of a highway.
1) There is traffic
2) There is an accident (you are involved or one occured in your vicinity)
3) Cop pulls you over (you don't stop in the middle of the highway though, you move to the side and stop
4) An animal jumps out in front of you.
5) There is a traffic light at different sections of the highway (there are several areas in the US where this is so)
Suffice it to say, there are very few reasons why one would stop in the middle of a highway with a 65 mile speed limit.
However, today, a woman decided to stop. I have no idea why she stopped in the middle of the highway. I was just driving along behind her when she started to slow down. There was no one around. It was just me and her. It was a 2 lane highway and because her speed was good, I cruised along with her.
She started to slow down and then stopped. As I passed her, I couldn't figure out what the hell she was doing. Other cars started coming up behind her. They were honking to get her going. Her Mercedes seemed fine (it was relatively new model, probably 1 year old). It wasn't like it broke down. It was an automatic. She wasn't in distress. She wasn't on the cell phone. Nothing. She just stopped.
But you know, this shit happens all the time.
I live near an upscale area. I don't personally live in a posh area. I live near a freaking prison. But, I can say that the surrounding areas "across the tracks" seem very nice. I can say that I live 8.5 miles from someone who was once the most powerful man in the world.
People here drive a lot of Porsches. It's the car of choice. They also have ferraris. It was funny parking my POS car next to a ferrari at the local Target.
The people driving these REALLY expensive cars are old.
Now, not old drivers suck. But as you get older, your reflexes slow down. I'm sure I'll be a shitty driver when I get older too. In any case, they cause so many accidents and traffic jams in these parts it's freaking crazy. They pull all these weird shit on the road. I'm surprised that I'm still alive.
I heard one elderly gentleman say that everyone should buy Audis because you can get into accidents and still survive. Was this a warning?
1) There is traffic
2) There is an accident (you are involved or one occured in your vicinity)
3) Cop pulls you over (you don't stop in the middle of the highway though, you move to the side and stop
4) An animal jumps out in front of you.
5) There is a traffic light at different sections of the highway (there are several areas in the US where this is so)
Suffice it to say, there are very few reasons why one would stop in the middle of a highway with a 65 mile speed limit.
However, today, a woman decided to stop. I have no idea why she stopped in the middle of the highway. I was just driving along behind her when she started to slow down. There was no one around. It was just me and her. It was a 2 lane highway and because her speed was good, I cruised along with her.
She started to slow down and then stopped. As I passed her, I couldn't figure out what the hell she was doing. Other cars started coming up behind her. They were honking to get her going. Her Mercedes seemed fine (it was relatively new model, probably 1 year old). It wasn't like it broke down. It was an automatic. She wasn't in distress. She wasn't on the cell phone. Nothing. She just stopped.
But you know, this shit happens all the time.
I live near an upscale area. I don't personally live in a posh area. I live near a freaking prison. But, I can say that the surrounding areas "across the tracks" seem very nice. I can say that I live 8.5 miles from someone who was once the most powerful man in the world.
People here drive a lot of Porsches. It's the car of choice. They also have ferraris. It was funny parking my POS car next to a ferrari at the local Target.
The people driving these REALLY expensive cars are old.
Now, not old drivers suck. But as you get older, your reflexes slow down. I'm sure I'll be a shitty driver when I get older too. In any case, they cause so many accidents and traffic jams in these parts it's freaking crazy. They pull all these weird shit on the road. I'm surprised that I'm still alive.
I heard one elderly gentleman say that everyone should buy Audis because you can get into accidents and still survive. Was this a warning?
ADHD Blows
Attention Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder (or ADD in popular terms) has been perceived for the most part in our society as a disorder not too serious compared to other debilitating disease. In some ways it's true. I suppose it depends on the severity. We see the stereotypical grade school child getting poor grades and the subsequent prescription of magical drugs to counteract it. We even use term for condescending purposes, diagnosing friends or family when they're acting crazy.
However, socially, ADHD can be devestating to the individual suffering as well as those around him.
I know an adult individual with ADHD. This person cannot concentrate. People, including his fiance, would try to have meaningful conversation with him but he can't keep his mind on the subject for more than 10 seconds. They would have conversations about family and the future when he would look away and not pay attention to the conversation at hand. I would be talking to him and he would look away and interrupt with "cool, look at that". This is really frustrating. (I am reminded of the Simpsons episode where Homer sees his long lost twin brother "Guy Incognito" but then gets distracted by the dog with the bushy tail) Many times, he would forget what he was talking about or what anyone else was talking about. His symptom would kick in, for example, when you're ranting to him about something or other, when he interrupts with some ridiculous subject because he has lost track of what was happening. At these times, you want to just kick the crap out of him but your frontal lobe kicks in instead and prevents you from doing so.
Medication helps somewhat but in the end, ADHD blows donkey chunks.
However, socially, ADHD can be devestating to the individual suffering as well as those around him.
I know an adult individual with ADHD. This person cannot concentrate. People, including his fiance, would try to have meaningful conversation with him but he can't keep his mind on the subject for more than 10 seconds. They would have conversations about family and the future when he would look away and not pay attention to the conversation at hand. I would be talking to him and he would look away and interrupt with "cool, look at that". This is really frustrating. (I am reminded of the Simpsons episode where Homer sees his long lost twin brother "Guy Incognito" but then gets distracted by the dog with the bushy tail) Many times, he would forget what he was talking about or what anyone else was talking about. His symptom would kick in, for example, when you're ranting to him about something or other, when he interrupts with some ridiculous subject because he has lost track of what was happening. At these times, you want to just kick the crap out of him but your frontal lobe kicks in instead and prevents you from doing so.
Medication helps somewhat but in the end, ADHD blows donkey chunks.
Monday, May 30, 2005
Sunday, May 29, 2005
"I can't find the hole"
I went to KFC/Taco Bell to get some late lunch.
They are known to be EXTREMELY slow.
The term "Fast Food" doesn't exist around these parts. I have been spoiled early in life with prompt, friendly service from these establishments. That way, my road to obesity was also quick and painless.
And due to their predictable tardiness, I play a game where i time this Drive Through experience. You'll be happy to know that these men and women of this particular KFC did not let me down. They clocked in at 24.3 minutes. That is the time starting with ordering via the ominous "box" to getting my bag o' food.
BTW, they ALMOST got my order wrong again, but fortunately, I caught their mistake when they asked if i wanted gravy with my macaroni.
Macaroni, Mashed Potatoes. They sound the same. They both start with M. I can accept that.
This was the fastest time yet. But i must say I was visiting this establishment during 1) off hours 2) no one was in the sit down restaurant 3) no one was in the drive thru in front of me 4) and there were only 4 workers standing around doing nothing rather than the usual 6. Usually, no one is working and the lines in both the drive thru and the sit down part of the restaurant get longer than anyone can imagine. But still, it was damn "fast". Hyperbole? Hell, I wish.
Anyway, the guy was handing me my bag when I asked him for some KFC hot sauce.
The guy grabbed 5 or 6 packets and proceeded to place them in the bag. I could see, however, that he had missed the "hole" and that my packets were laying outside of the bag within moments of tumbling to the ground.
Before i could say anything, he handed me the bag by the handle, and of course, all the sauce packets fell to the floor. Then, he promptly closed the bulletproof/fu*k you window.
I tried to say, "excuse me sir" but i think that window also protects the workers from complaints.
I waited a bit to get his attention when suddenly he opened the window to give me another bag of food and drink. I believe this "set" was for the car now behind me.
I told him, "No, that's not for me. I would like some hot sauce please. The sauce you gave me fell on the floor"
The guy then gave me the fiercest look ever. It looked as though he wanted to pull out a .45 and shoot me in the head. He shook his head as though it was my fault that this a-hole couldn't get it in the hole.
As retaliation, he grabbed 32 bags of Hot sauce and slammed it into my hand (i counted them). Then he quickly closed the window again.
Wow. What an experience. I was once again entertained.
Moral of the story, "Get it in the hole or else no one will be satisfied."
They are known to be EXTREMELY slow.
The term "Fast Food" doesn't exist around these parts. I have been spoiled early in life with prompt, friendly service from these establishments. That way, my road to obesity was also quick and painless.
And due to their predictable tardiness, I play a game where i time this Drive Through experience. You'll be happy to know that these men and women of this particular KFC did not let me down. They clocked in at 24.3 minutes. That is the time starting with ordering via the ominous "box" to getting my bag o' food.
BTW, they ALMOST got my order wrong again, but fortunately, I caught their mistake when they asked if i wanted gravy with my macaroni.
Macaroni, Mashed Potatoes. They sound the same. They both start with M. I can accept that.
This was the fastest time yet. But i must say I was visiting this establishment during 1) off hours 2) no one was in the sit down restaurant 3) no one was in the drive thru in front of me 4) and there were only 4 workers standing around doing nothing rather than the usual 6. Usually, no one is working and the lines in both the drive thru and the sit down part of the restaurant get longer than anyone can imagine. But still, it was damn "fast". Hyperbole? Hell, I wish.
Anyway, the guy was handing me my bag when I asked him for some KFC hot sauce.
The guy grabbed 5 or 6 packets and proceeded to place them in the bag. I could see, however, that he had missed the "hole" and that my packets were laying outside of the bag within moments of tumbling to the ground.
Before i could say anything, he handed me the bag by the handle, and of course, all the sauce packets fell to the floor. Then, he promptly closed the bulletproof/fu*k you window.
I tried to say, "excuse me sir" but i think that window also protects the workers from complaints.
I waited a bit to get his attention when suddenly he opened the window to give me another bag of food and drink. I believe this "set" was for the car now behind me.
I told him, "No, that's not for me. I would like some hot sauce please. The sauce you gave me fell on the floor"
The guy then gave me the fiercest look ever. It looked as though he wanted to pull out a .45 and shoot me in the head. He shook his head as though it was my fault that this a-hole couldn't get it in the hole.
As retaliation, he grabbed 32 bags of Hot sauce and slammed it into my hand (i counted them). Then he quickly closed the window again.
Wow. What an experience. I was once again entertained.
Moral of the story, "Get it in the hole or else no one will be satisfied."
Saturday, May 28, 2005
Salsa Picante Por Favor
I went to my local "McDowells" to get some Breakfast Burritos and Coffee.
Now I know you're probably thinking, "Why in the world would you eat Breakfast Burritos from McDonald's? Go to a Mexican restaurant or at least a Tex-Mex to get a decent one!"
Don't get me wrong. I would LOVE to eat somewhere else. Unfortunately, the closest restaurant resembling an establishment that dispenses Latin Flava' is six miles away. Six miles is freakin' far for a damn burrito.
So I pull up to the ol' drive-thru (drive-through) and a nice middle-aged lady hands me my bag full of sustenance.
Now, I like my burritos with salsa. It tastes better that way. Ideally, I would like some pico de gallo but this is McDonalds. I must compromise.
I proceed then to ask the lady for some salsa for my burrito.
Me: "May I have some Salsa please?"
Lady: "For your coffee?"
Me: "No, for the breakfrast burrito maam"
(I'm forcing a smile at this point because I can feel this is going to be another "showdown" of sorts.)
Lady: "I already put some sugar in your bag"
Me: "Oh thank you. But actually, I am asking for some salsa for my burritos"
(She's looking at me like I'm from another planet)
Lady: "You wanted cream too?"
Me: "Huh? Well, I think I have some cream but I would like some salsa"
Lady: "...."
Me: "Salsa. Salsa Picante? The red stuff that you use for tacos, and nachos."
(I am maintaining my polite voice. I could feel the tension and the stare of an angry impatient man in the car behind me. I'm sure the guy is thinking, "What the fu*k is going on up there? Is that prick ordering for 100?")
Finally, the lady says,
Lady: "Oh. Salsa. Mild or Hot?"
Me: "Hot please. Spicy."
Lady: "Here you go"
She hands me two packets of mild salsa and smiles.
I thank the lady and drive off with my mild salsa.
So here is the score:
World Out to Get Me: 20
Me: 0
And we're at the bottom of the 9th inning with 2 outs and bases empty.
*sigh*
Now I know you're probably thinking, "Why in the world would you eat Breakfast Burritos from McDonald's? Go to a Mexican restaurant or at least a Tex-Mex to get a decent one!"
Don't get me wrong. I would LOVE to eat somewhere else. Unfortunately, the closest restaurant resembling an establishment that dispenses Latin Flava' is six miles away. Six miles is freakin' far for a damn burrito.
So I pull up to the ol' drive-thru (drive-through) and a nice middle-aged lady hands me my bag full of sustenance.
Now, I like my burritos with salsa. It tastes better that way. Ideally, I would like some pico de gallo but this is McDonalds. I must compromise.
I proceed then to ask the lady for some salsa for my burrito.
Me: "May I have some Salsa please?"
Lady: "For your coffee?"
Me: "No, for the breakfrast burrito maam"
(I'm forcing a smile at this point because I can feel this is going to be another "showdown" of sorts.)
Lady: "I already put some sugar in your bag"
Me: "Oh thank you. But actually, I am asking for some salsa for my burritos"
(She's looking at me like I'm from another planet)
Lady: "You wanted cream too?"
Me: "Huh? Well, I think I have some cream but I would like some salsa"
Lady: "...."
Me: "Salsa. Salsa Picante? The red stuff that you use for tacos, and nachos."
(I am maintaining my polite voice. I could feel the tension and the stare of an angry impatient man in the car behind me. I'm sure the guy is thinking, "What the fu*k is going on up there? Is that prick ordering for 100?")
Finally, the lady says,
Lady: "Oh. Salsa. Mild or Hot?"
Me: "Hot please. Spicy."
Lady: "Here you go"
She hands me two packets of mild salsa and smiles.
I thank the lady and drive off with my mild salsa.
So here is the score:
World Out to Get Me: 20
Me: 0
And we're at the bottom of the 9th inning with 2 outs and bases empty.
*sigh*
Friday, May 27, 2005
Niccolo Machiavelli
This man wrote a letter called "The Prince".
It was a revelation of sorts for those wishing to stay in power.
I had the fortunate opportunity to read this in 10th grade. I also read it many times after that. I think the brilliance of this book is the unsaid/unwritten portions of Machiavelli's philosophy.
I hope to write about it some day.
-Another random entry from the mixed up files of basil e frankweiler
It was a revelation of sorts for those wishing to stay in power.
I had the fortunate opportunity to read this in 10th grade. I also read it many times after that. I think the brilliance of this book is the unsaid/unwritten portions of Machiavelli's philosophy.
I hope to write about it some day.
-Another random entry from the mixed up files of basil e frankweiler
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