Salsa Picante Por Favor

I went to my local "McDowells" to get some Breakfast Burritos and Coffee.

Now I know you're probably thinking, "Why in the world would you eat Breakfast Burritos from McDonald's? Go to a Mexican restaurant or at least a Tex-Mex to get a decent one!"

Don't get me wrong. I would LOVE to eat somewhere else. Unfortunately, the closest restaurant resembling an establishment that dispenses Latin Flava' is six miles away. Six miles is freakin' far for a damn burrito.

So I pull up to the ol' drive-thru (drive-through) and a nice middle-aged lady hands me my bag full of sustenance.

Now, I like my burritos with salsa. It tastes better that way. Ideally, I would like some pico de gallo but this is McDonalds. I must compromise.

I proceed then to ask the lady for some salsa for my burrito.

Me: "May I have some Salsa please?"

Lady: "For your coffee?"

Me: "No, for the breakfrast burrito maam"

(I'm forcing a smile at this point because I can feel this is going to be another "showdown" of sorts.)

Lady: "I already put some sugar in your bag"

Me: "Oh thank you. But actually, I am asking for some salsa for my burritos"

(She's looking at me like I'm from another planet)

Lady: "You wanted cream too?"

Me: "Huh? Well, I think I have some cream but I would like some salsa"

Lady: "...."

Me: "Salsa. Salsa Picante? The red stuff that you use for tacos, and nachos."

(I am maintaining my polite voice. I could feel the tension and the stare of an angry impatient man in the car behind me. I'm sure the guy is thinking, "What the fu*k is going on up there? Is that prick ordering for 100?")

Finally, the lady says,

Lady: "Oh. Salsa. Mild or Hot?"

Me: "Hot please. Spicy."

Lady: "Here you go"

She hands me two packets of mild salsa and smiles.

I thank the lady and drive off with my mild salsa.

So here is the score:

World Out to Get Me: 20
Me: 0

And we're at the bottom of the 9th inning with 2 outs and bases empty.

*sigh*