Cougars! ROWR!!

When I say the word "Cougar", what comes to YOUR mind?

Is it this?

Or, do you think of this?

Webster dictionary defines Cougar as: a large powerful tawny-brown cat (Felis concolor) formerly widespread in the Americas but now reduced in number or extinct in many areas —called also catamount, mountain lion, panther, puma.

*YAWN*

Websters is soooo 1985.

I really like Urban Dictionary's definition(s) of cougar, especially the most popular definition:

An older woman who frequents clubs in order to score with a much younger man. The cougar can be anyone from an overly surgically altered wind tunnel victim, to an absolute sad and bloated old horn-meister, to a real hottie or milf. Cougars are gaining in popularity -- particularly the true hotties -- as young men find not only a sexual high, but many times a chick with her shit together.

I would argue that more often than not, the milf or hottie comes to mind for most people when it comes to cougars and not the bloated horn-meister. And thanks to shows like Sex and the City, Demi Moore, Dr. Quinn in Wedding Crashers and reruns of Golden Girls, we reinforce that stereotype.

I will tell you, however, that outside of movies and Hollywood, cougars are anything but glamorous. The reality is that these cougar relationships can be really disturbing.

I had a run in with a cougar the other day. I will first quote a famous archeologist and say, "Nothing shocks me, I'm a scientist."

I will admit though, in this instance, I was close to being shocked.

I was interviewing two people who I thought were mother and son when I realized that this was not the case. The mother was in fact the girlfriend. When the woman said, "I noticed my boyfriend was acting weird and pushing me away in bed at night," I did a double take.

This woman was 58 years old. The guy was 31 years old. The woman did not look her age. In fact, she looked 68 years old. She looked tired, worn out, wrinkled and without botox. Her breasts had sagged with age and the sun damage to her skin was extensive. She had a ill-look about her. Her skin was rough, her face was scarred and her hair was somewhat disheveled. She had a 4th grade education and it was hard for her to comprehend things.

The guy was my customer but he never said a word. The woman did all of the talking. I listened to their/her story and realized what was happening.

Here is the summary:
1) The guy was faking an illness and he was mooching off this woman without her knowledge.
2) The woman treats this guy like the son she never had AND the lover she never had.
3) The guy is a fucking tool.
4) The guy was ripping off the government, obtaining SS for a disability that he did not have.
5) The woman has psych issues.
6) The guy is poor, the woman works but makes a salary that is below poverty line.

This is the story of this cougar and her buck. This is reality.

I was pretty annoyed by this encounter. Honestly, age shouldn't be a factor and I care not that the woman is much older than the guy. Who the fuck cares. If they love each other, then it doesn't matter.

The problem is, it was so fucking clear that the guy was taking advantage of this woman for her money. As minuscule of an amount that may be, the guy was using her so he doesn't have to work. He sits at home and plays video games all day. And before you say, "the guy probably gives her companionship and sex in return", I will say, he does not. He rarely puts out. Plus, he attributes his apathetic attitude toward the woman to the disease he doesn't have.

But I can't completely sympathize with this woman either. She is an enabler and she is so desperate for...well, human contact that she is willing to overlook everything. And she lost a few marbles in Neverland while flying around in her coked up state.

This encounter brought me back to reality. Hollywood cougars may prowl around in certain clubs in LA but the reality is that many more cougars in suburbia may be like the one I described here today. I met several more cougars after this encounter and most did not have the glamorous story everyone expects.

So what is the moral of the story?

Cougars are not all milf.