Saturday, April 04, 2009

The Topman Cometh

Topman is here. If you don't know what Topman is, you are clearly not with it. Apparently, Kate Moss is a big fan and so are all of her friends at Greenwich, Castro, and one guy in Cerritos. If you remember, I was given a task a few months ago to find a store that never existed. Well, the store exists now and it's in everyone's faces.

As an employee of Sax, I guess I should have known that the competition was coming to America. However, I only sell men's suits and not the skinny jeans on the other floor. Topman is a British company that sells new and hip designs. I guess that means super tight clothing with lots of buttons.

Here is the front of the store. I don't know if the store is multi-floor because I could not go in. The line to go into this fucking store wrapped around the block. It's like going on a ride at Disneyland. I wondered how many of these people in line were actually going to purchase a $500 coat or a $100 tshirt. And look at that huge union jack. I felt like the Queen was going to walk out of the store at any moment. Actually, a queen did come out but it wasn't the queen.

See that Topman security dude? That guy has a lot of power right now. He is the bouncer and he gets to decide whether you are worthy to go into this super store.

Look at that shit. You see those two girls talking to the bald security guy? They were trying to cut in front of the line. I know that kind of shit happens at clubs but I didn't know people try to pull that crap for a fucking clothing store.

Whatever. The two women got pwned and they were left standing there looking stupid. I'll try to go in the store during the weekday when all of the posers and douches are at work. I didn't want to waste my time standing there for an hour.


Anonymous said...

Wow. How many gay jokes can you cram into a glory blog hole? The answer: More than you can chew on.

I wish I was there. I guess Topshop & Topman were more popular than I thought. I'm crossing my fingers in hopes that the frenzy dies down before I get there. I don't want to travel 3,000 miles to see an empty store ravaged by West Villager glute gluttons.

And thanks for the photos. But your mission, Nancy Drew, is only half completed. Now you need to find a way into the store and make an appointment with a Topman stylist. Then post your before and after photos. You can cut off your head if you want to retain your anonymity.

I can't wait. Skinny jeans are the new auto-erotic-asphyxiation! Spread the word.

SagaciousHillbilly said...

Wow, I'd have figured that folks in NYC would have a lot more things to do with their time than wait in line at some clothing store. I thought the infatuation with all things British died out sometime between 1968 and 1970.
Damn, they didn't have a line that big down here when they opened the Super Wal-Mart over by the Interstate.