Thursday, May 04, 2006

I HATE ANTS!


I really hate these fucking ants that are attacking me every night. I would be on my couch or sitting at my desk when I feel something crawling up my leg. I panic and I swipe at it. I look and I see a BIG fucking ant the size of Mississippi trying to recover from my initial attack to attack me again. I bring in the big guns (aka tissue paper) and murder those nasty suckers.

Now i feel like a fucking cocaine addict with formication.

The problem is, I don't have an ant problem...well, not a big one. You see, these ants enter my apartment one by one. I search for the ant comrades but they are nowhere to be found. I think these are scouts and these nasty fuckers are trying to see if there are any food around my apt. I search and I search for an ant trail of these HUGE ants. They are nowhere. Once, I saw some wings on an ant (GROSS!!!) and it really freaked me out. I try to make sure there are no bugs in my apartment everyday. I don't have much furniture so there are no dark places for these assholes to hide.

If I had god-like powers, I would create a bug shield that protected my apartment from intrusion. I fucking hate insects, especially crickets, ants, roaches, and SPIDERS.

GODDAMN YOU DIRTY SPIDERS!!!

I swear, if I had the power, I would murder every fucking ant near my apt.

DIE ASSHOLES!! DIE DIE DIE!!!

If God was so cool, why did he make insects so nasty and evil?

UPDATE 5/5/06 - I got attacked AGAIN by a lone nasty big ass fucking ANT!! ARGH! This time, I was just standing in the bathroom brushing my teeth when suddently, i felt something crawling up my leg. It was one big fucking ant!! I searched all over the place to see there were any more. NOTHING!! I'm going mad!! GOD, WHY HAVE YOU FORSAKEN ME!?! WHY?!?!!?

3 comments:

wandering-mind said...

I think you may just be losing your mind. Maybe there are no ants. Remember - there is no spoon.

Ghonie said...

If I take a picture of it and it develops, does that mean it exists?

wandering-mind said...

only if there really is a developed picture. the picture is just as likely a figment of your imagination as these imaginary ants are.