No surprises here...

How evil are you?

The scary thing is, I honestly thought my answers would lead me to "Pure Good" or something. Go figure.

Flight of the Spaz-igator (God, that's terrible)

I was on a plane with the 3/3 configuration on a flight to New York. 3/3 configuration means that there are three seats on either side of the aisle. I had the aisle seat (the choice seat). I was told earlier that the plane was not full, and I was praying to almighty Odin that no one would sit next to me, or at the very least, no one would sit in the middle seat so that I may stretch out. Odin failed me again and tragically, a woman in her mid 30s and her pre-pubescent 7 year old boy sat next to me. Even worse, the mother decided to break all unwritten courtesy/comfort-zone laws, and sat right next to me while the tiny child who could have allowed some elbow room had the window seat.

This was going to be a long flight…and I was right.

Two minutes into the boarding process, Ms. Spaz started going nuts. The plane was still at the terminal so it wasn't a felony…yet. It turned out that her TV wasn't working. She kept pressing all the buttons but the screen was black. My screen was fine. The child's screen was fine. She started getting frustrated and pressed all the buttons faster and faster. She then called the flight attendants.

Ms. Spaz said, "My TV isn't working. My TV ISN'T WORKING!!"

The hot flight attendant, Ms. Hotstuff, tried to calm her down.

Ms. Hotstuff said, "Ma'am, the TV usually doesn’t work while we're on the ground. As soon as we take off, we reset the system and it'll be fine. The person who sat there had a similar problem in the beginning but the screen will work."

Ms. Spaz, of course, wasn't satisfied.

She said, "Can I move to another seat? I think the seats in front of us are empty.”

The flight attendant replied, "Ma'am. We're about to take off. If the TV doesn't work in the air, I'll be happy to move you."

The flight attendant left. I was getting tired of the woman constantly hitting the buttons on her armrest. Ms. Spaz then bolted straight up and started looking around the cabin. There were two empty seats right in front of her, since there was a single man in his mid 50s sitting in the aisle seat directly in front of me. Mr. Man seemed to be listening to some calming music on his headphones. Ms. Spaz suddenly leaned forward and started pushing the buttons of the arm chairs in his row. Mr. Man seemed startled by this invasion of his comfort zone. It was a fucking spectacle. I couldn't believe this was happening.

As a gentleman though, he kept his calm and just smiled. The woman, picking up on this awkward vibe from everyone around her, said, "My TV won't work. I'm just checking to see if the screens in your row worked so I can move there."

I think this revelation devastated Mr. Man. I didn’t get a clear look at his face but I could tell he wasn’t too happy. He probably thought that he could stretch out all the way to New York in his three seats.

I was surprised when I heard her young child say, "Mommy, you can sit in my chair and use my TV."

I looked at the child's face and it looked as though he was completely embarrassed by her mom's actions. Our eyes met and they seemed to be telling me, “I'm sorry about my mom.” We then simultaneously looked at the mother. The mother was still engrossed in her quest to make the TV work in the other seats. I really felt sorry for the kid. I hoped that he won’t need a psychiatrist when he grows up.

The woman responded to her son’s plea by saying, "But you need to watch cartoons. I want to watch mommy TV."

The kid seemed to give up at this point. It looked as though he had gone through this routine countless number times before. He just sat back in his chair and looked out the window, experiencing another lesson in futility.

I was watching all of this unfold, trying to keep my mouth closed. Ms. Spaz had some serious issues. She sat back down after trying out all the buttons in the two front seats. Mr. Man in front of me seemed amazed.

We finally took off. During the whole take off process, she kept pressing the buttons to get the TV working. After a few minutes though, lo and behold, her TV started working.

Her complaints didn’t end there…fortunately (you’ll see why in a minute). The TV would, at times, turn black. Now, having flown on many planes, I know that the satellite signal can get cut off from time to time. The lady thought this was unacceptable.

"See, the TV is still not working" she screamed at Ms. Hotstuff. “We want to move.”

In my opinion, the TV was fine. It was a bit fuzzy, but what can you expect from a TV on a plane? Hell, having DirectTV on an airplane is a fucking miracle in itself. Slightly fuzzy picture is a small price to pay for awesome entertainment.

Ms. Hotstuff again asked for her patience. At that moment, Ms. Hotstuff was called to the front by the other attendants. She excused herself.

20 seconds later, Ms. Spaz pushed the button calling for an attendant.

"My TV is still not working,” She said. This time, it was another male attendant. “They said I could move if my TV wasn’t working.”

The attendant said, "Ma'am, it looks like it's working." Sure enough, ESPN was working fine on her television set.

"No, I want to move to the seat in the front."

The male attendant looked at me for some sort of moral support on the matter. He wasn't going to get any help from me. I wanted her to move. I didn't want to deal with that shit for another 5 hours. The attendant finally gave in and told the woman she could sit in the row in front of us.

I didn't even have to look at Mr. Man’s face. I knew he was disappointed. I was overjoyed.

I thought, "Fuck yeah, now i can lie down and go to sleep. First class bitches!!"

I didn't want to jinx the whole thing so I kept the enthusiasm to myself. Ms. Spaz looked at me to signal that she was ready to move. I gladly got up and moved into the aisle. I then moved a couple of aisles forward so that I could give the crazy bitch plenty of room. While waiting, I met the eyes of Mr. Man, who just drew the short end of the stick. Well, I guess he drew the short end of my stick. He didn't look too happy. The weird thing is, I think he and I had one of those "guy" moments where we knew what each of us was thinking.

We were thinking, "This lady is nuts."

The woman got her bags and food and the child, and started to move to the new seats. Suddenly, she saw another two seats a couple of rows toward the front of the cabin. There was one young lady sitting in the window seat and the two seats next to her were empty.

Ms. Spaz screamed, “Could we sit there instead?”

A smile formed on Old Man’s face. We both smiled, knowing we were both saved!

Ms. Hotstuff agreed to the second move and Ms. Spaz finally found her destination.

As soon as we got to cruising altitude, I lifted up all the armrests and made a little bed for myself. I turned the three television sets to different channels and plugged in three headsets to get all the audio from the shows.

It turned into a sweet relaxing flight.

Just for a moment though, I felt bad for the unlucky lady who had to sit next to Ms. Spaz for 5 hours. Oh well.

Your-Space SUCKS

I have noticed a trend.

Myspace webpages suck balls. They all look as though a spaz designed them. What is up with the shitty colors? I can't read anything. There are photos and words all over the damn page. It's chaos in the form of a shitty blog. I feel like I'm going on an acid trip whenever I come across a Myspace page. It's fucking ridiculous.

The embeded songs do not help either. The combination of rave music/hiphop/triphop/rap/metal and chaotic placement of pictures and words on Myspace pages make me want to vomit. In fact, I'm vomiting as we speak.

I think I'll support that legislation to raise the Myspace minimum age level to 18. Better yet, let's raise it to 25. I don't give a rat's ass about the Myspace stalkers or what not. I just want to cut down on the chaos. In the words of Ricky Ricardo, "I just want some order in the chaotic web frenzy of prepubescent/retar-teen-ed Myspace designs. "

Here is an article with a perspective: MySpace: Is ghetto a design choice?

Oh yeah, Xanga sucks too.

Colors of the Rainbow

The Rainbow analogy has been used countless number of times in many different ways to describe our world. Essentially, I think it means that our world is diverse and collectively it makes a beautiful place.

Let's look at the skin colors according to Colors of the World (TM) acticle (note: the colors and region are not exact):

Japan: Faint yellow
China: Yellow
Indonesia: Dark Yellow/Brown
Egypt: Brown
Uganda: Black
Iraq: Brown
Austria: light yellow
Britain: Pale
Kansas: Pale yellow
Hawaii: light brown

It makes a rather nice gradient.

There was absolutely no point to this post.

I HATE ANTS!

I really hate these fucking ants that are attacking me every night. I would be on my couch or sitting at my desk when I feel something crawling up my leg. I panic and I swipe at it. I look and I see a BIG fucking ant the size of Mississippi trying to recover from my initial attack to attack me again. I bring in the big guns (aka tissue paper) and murder those nasty suckers.

Now i feel like a fucking cocaine addict with formication.

The problem is, I don't have an ant problem...well, not a big one. You see, these ants enter my apartment one by one. I search for the ant comrades but they are nowhere to be found. I think these are scouts and these nasty fuckers are trying to see if there are any food around my apt. I search and I search for an ant trail of these HUGE ants. They are nowhere. Once, I saw some wings on an ant (GROSS!!!) and it really freaked me out. I try to make sure there are no bugs in my apartment everyday. I don't have much furniture so there are no dark places for these assholes to hide.

If I had god-like powers, I would create a bug shield that protected my apartment from intrusion. I fucking hate insects, especially crickets, ants, roaches, and SPIDERS.

GODDAMN YOU DIRTY SPIDERS!!!

I swear, if I had the power, I would murder every fucking ant near my apt.

DIE ASSHOLES!! DIE DIE DIE!!!

If God was so cool, why did he make insects so nasty and evil?

UPDATE 5/5/06 - I got attacked AGAIN by a lone nasty big ass fucking ANT!! ARGH! This time, I was just standing in the bathroom brushing my teeth when suddently, i felt something crawling up my leg. It was one big fucking ant!! I searched all over the place to see there were any more. NOTHING!! I'm going mad!! GOD, WHY HAVE YOU FORSAKEN ME!?! WHY?!?!!?

More stoopid video

I have nothing to rant about at the moment. Actually, there are plenty of things to complain about but I don't feel like writing so I'm posting these to serve as bookmarks for myself.





Old woman: "She is white trash."
Talking woman: "Did you know that honey? Terry had THC in her system"
THC Bitch: *BOOM HEADSHOT*

Grabbing one's nuts...

Chris Kaman, the player that was violated, stated that "he tried to rip my nuts off".

NBA action...it's fantastic.

In the news...

(Caption: The 3 year old girl clearly wants peace. She told the reporter, "I believe Mr. Bush is a disgrace. Bush is leading America down the toilet and we're helpless to stop it. I am here to show my disgust." She also told the reporter that she made the flag herself using lint from her belly button and left over placenta from her birth. It took her 4 years.)


"End the war!"
"Impeach BUSH!"
"What me worry?!?"

These are the chants echoing throughout the streets of Lower Manhattan today. I am amazed that these people are here. I am amazed because I thought it was supposed to be the Anti-immigration reform rally today. I was expecting to hear "Viva Mexico!" and see Mexican flags all over the streets.

Note to the immigration protestors: It's not a good idea to show nationalistic pride of another country when you're trying to win the hearts and minds of Americans. That is not a great strategy. In Los Angeles, Cardinal Mahoney had to tell the crowd this observation. The protestors did a better job the second time around...but some of the activists wore American flags on their mouths like bank robbers of the Old West and made hand gestures that suggested they were shooting something. Not good either.

I respect the right to protest in the streets. I believe one of the think tanks in the United States use the frequency of demonstrations as a factor in rating how healthy a democracy is in a country.

However, I do not agree with the sentiments of the people protesting against the war today. Don't get me wrong, I think it's important that we get out of Iraq as quickly as possible. But pulling troops now would be foolish and I think most sane people would agree. And when you hear these well meaning liberals shout slogans like, "Bring them home now", they just look idiotic and I don't think it really helps the cause. I think it just reinforces the crazy stereotypes of liberals and entrench the conservative stance.

I also don't know what these people are worried about. Jesus is on our side...right?...unless you're an American muslim soldier or some a believer of another religion. Don't worry, God loves America...or was that Jesus? Hmm...we're fucked aren't we?

On a happier note, Mexico is looking to legalize pot, cocaine, and heroin. This is not that much of a surprise. Smart move Mr. Fox. I'm sure congress is now really enthusiastic about allowing illegal immigrants to cross the border. Great way to win the hearts and minds of conservative American law makers.

Although....the term conservative seems to be synonymous with corrupt these days so anything can happen.

-Viva Puerto Rico (aka America)

Psychotic Drivers

I live near a tertiary care center that has a large inpatient psychiatric center. They also have a fair amount of outpatient services. In fact, it can get very busy. Thinking about all the people that need psychiatric help can be at times...overwhelming.

And thinking about all the drivers utilizing those services for various reasons frighten me at times. Sure, some disorders have nothing to do with driving. But what about those people who are depressed, addicts going through withdrawl, or those just starting to exhibit more serious symptoms? If the symptoms can affect judgement, wouldn't that translate to driving skills in some way?

I often see people coming out of the institute get confused at the crossroad with 4 stop signs. No one knows who is supposed to go first. Trying to drive through there is really frustrating. I wonder whether this confusion derives from psychosis or just shitty driving skills. I wonder if car accident rates are higher near these centers.

I recognize the importance of these patients seeking help. I understand that perfectly "sane" people cause a shit load of accidents and make crappy choices on the road.

Still, I can't shake off the feeling that one of these days, while driving through that intersection, a distressed individual in one of those huge SUVs will drive straight into my car to end it all.

Am I psychotic to think this way?

TV in Japan

If you want to kill some time.

Link

The scrotum twins take the cake...

Vampires: IT'S A TRAP!!

(Illustration of the Vampire Gauntlet)

Vampires have descended upon our trade school. These vampiros harvest blood for their demonic purposes (ie. saving people's lives) every other month. They are known to some as the RED CROSS volunteers but I call them Blood-Sucking-Leech-Demons-of-Satan-Hoard.

I am amazed at their strategy for harvesting life juice from unsuspecting students. They use superior techniques such as guilt and peer pressure to cajole you into sitting in their sadistic makeshift bloodsucking chairs.

They also create a gauntlet of some sort to funnel all the people into their blood sucking scheme/machine. I tried to illustrate their setup in in the picture above. Essentially, they MAKE you walk through their gauntlet if you want to get across the lounge/open area. I wanted to get to the cafeteria to buy some food but the only way i could get there was to run through this trap.
While walking through the gauntlet, they throw everything at you: guilt, peer pressure, sweet talk, threats, etc. I keep my eyes on the prize though. I look straight at the entrance to the cafetorium, speed walk toward the goal, and never look back. Of course, when you want to leave, you have to go through it AGAIN so you have to keep your guard up constantly.

In any case, I survived the guantlet today. But since they're here all week, it's going to be a tough fight.

Now, I understand the need for blood. In fact, our national blood supply is dangerously low. We can't stockpile blood so we need to constantly ask for donations. If you would like to help, please visit the RED CROSS website to find out what you can do to save lives.

God bless.

Crazy shit :Orcas

I just saw video footage of two Killer Whales working together to catch a seal that was floating on a piece of glacier.

One orca would create a wave that pushes one side of the glacier upward. That causes the seal to slide off the other side. The second orca would be waiting on that other side to grab the seal.

Fucking amazing.

Scientists are saying that the orcas may be passing on these techniques to the offspring. They have observed this behavior 30 years ago and the tradition seems to be continuing.

However, if that wasn't enough, the more impressive behavior was that the video footage showed a successful capture of the seal by the second orca but then minutes later, the orca freed the seal and put it back on the glacier. Apparently, the maneuvre was merely a training exercise for them. I guess the orca was trying to teach their kids how to hunt through "catch and release program".

Simply amazing.

Stupid Girls: Is it Smart to Be Dumb?

When I woke up this morning, one of the headlines on NBC dealt with the "dumbening" of girls in the new age. Someone (probably a feminazi) was concerned that girls of the new generation are looking up to the wrong people. According to the report, young teenage girls are looking up to people like Jessica Simpson, Paris Hilton, Nichole Richie, Lindsey Lohan, and the like. Apparently, young girls are looking to become spoiled, rich, stupid, and easy. They are not looking up to Sarah McSmartsmart, the nuclear physicist at JPL that is setting the hearts and minds of the geeks afire.

I don't know what the big deal is all about. I have always supported keeping kids out of school and in fast food joints. I am not a supporter of "investment in kids" program and I believe strongly that keeping the next generation of teenagers stupid is the best thing for everyone, especially me.

Contrary to this paranoid report by the femnaz (Copyright 2006), I believe kids are getting smarter, especially the girls with big chips on their shoulders. There have been many published reports in many sociology journals, as well as unpublished reports circulating among graduate schools of various professions pointing to a rise of extremely impressive applications by women to higher education programs. In fact, it has been quietly said by various deans of various institutions that if they were to admit students solely on merit alone, 80% of their incoming class would consist of females. Men, therefore, are admited in the gender version of affirmative action.

This is shocking. First of all, when did the guys get so stupid? And second of all, with all these girls in graduate schools, who's going to do my laundry and cook my dinner?

The Southern Baptist leadership has said time and time again that women's place is in the home. They are supposed to raise the children, cook for the man, and clean for the family. I have no idea why these girls think that they can run around getting doctorates and such. As a uber-conservative, I think it's time for the "great experiment" of allowing women in the work place to end and put our values back into the home where they belong. Can I get a hallelujah/amen?

In any case, I think we have nothing to worry about. The are PLENTY of ambitious smart girls in this world. I think the whole Paris Hilton/Whore/Slut thing is a way society deals with the tilting of the scale toward the smarter generations of women. In order to counter this great surge of smarter people, society is trying to tell us to slow the fuck down.

I am in support of MORE Paris Hiltons and LESS Barbara Wawas. Afterall, who is going to cook my fucking dinner?!?

Into the abyss

(This was an actual picture taken through my windshield during the storm)

I was driving back home from the city when a huge thunderstorm hit. It was midnight, cold, and wet. Added to that was fog that dropped the visibility on the road even further. Though the city roads are well lit, the roads to the 'burbs are often without highway lamps. To make things worse, the roads are painted with lane markings so pale, even Superman himself would not be able to distinguish the lines of demarcation.

I drove as cautiously as I could, but because my windshield wipers could not clear the pouring rain off my window fast enough, I might as well have been driving with my eyes closed. I did not want to panic, but I knew that my life was in danger. I decided that the best course of action was to follow another car...or rather, follow another car's rear lights.

Because the roads around here have similar sounding names or have similar numbers like Highway 9A-1, 9A-1S, or 9A, it's hard to keep track of which road is which, let alone distinguish the roads in pouring rain with almost zero visibility. It was thus inevitable that I would make a wrong turn. Sure enough, after driving a couple of miles, I found myself in unfamiliar territory. I could not even tell you when I went off course because 1) I was concentrating on keeping the car from slipping and 2) I was concentrating on following a car whose destination I did not know but was the only thing in this world that was keeping me on the road and not off the cliff into abyss of Satan's ravine.

I was driving about 30 miles per hour on the highway and after a few minutes, I knew I had to figure out where I was going, lest I'd end up in another god-forsaken boontown. I saw signs pointing to cities I have never heard of and other cities located in other states. There were no highway exits. I was trying to figure out who to call to help me out of this mess. I thought about calling the police, but I doubted they could help me unless I was killed in a horrible car accident. I was trying to figure out the number of AAA but there was no space on the road where I could stop, search for the number, and make the call.

I prayed to mighty Zeus for forgiveness, and I promised to sacrifice a lamb or at least a hobo when I got a chance if he would be gracious enough to show me the way home. Then, like a flash of lightning from Zeus' fingertips, an epiphany struck my brain. I decided to call my sister living half way across the country to give me directions. Thankfully she was home. With the help of google maps, highway signs, and dumb luck, I was able to get home after an hour and half driving around in the dark.

The moral of the story: Zeus is great, and google maps saved my life.

Addendum: Because I can't find any lamb around these parts, I may have to go with the hobo.

 

California dreamin'...

The one thing I miss about home is the access to a great selection of California wines. California wines are rated some of the best in the world. And because there is such a HUGE selection of excellent wines, the prices are kept at a reasonable price. Hell, you could even go to a local grocery store and find a Cabernet rated 90 or better for 15 bucks.

But like most things in life, you don't realize that you have taken many things for granted until they are gone...

Well, it turns out that they keep the prices low if you live in California. Anywhere else in the country, they jack up the price . After a long ass week, I decided to treat myself to some flavas from home. I went to a local wine store (they have weird laws here about alcohol so the only place I could buy wine that doesn't come out of a box is at this place) to purchase some good ol' fashioned California grape juice only to be shocked by the markups.

I looked around and saw some names I recognized and some vineyards I have never heard of before. I walked from aisle to aisle trying to decide how best to exchange my limited cash reserve for some great vintner's reserve.

Cabernet? Merlot? Blanc? Pinot? So many choices...all at an unreasonable price. I knew that if i were at home, i could get these same bottles for 5-10 bucks less than the price they were charging here. Nevertheless, I was determined not to leave the store without a purchase.

I decided that because it was a long week, I wanted to cleanse my body with some red wine. The weather was getting warmer and I wanted to purchase a red before it got too warm to keep a bottle of wine at room temperature. Since i have no wine fridge or any means of controlling the temperature in my apartment, it's often hard to buy red wine and keep it longer than a day. And cold red wine is just gross.

Anyway, i purchased the wine that you see above. It is a 2004 Kendell Jackson Pinot Noir Vintner's Reserve. It cost me 20 bucks, which is more than the usual price but I wanted to try it anyway.

I am not wine snob (I have don't have the cash to be one). But I have learned to respect and enjoy great wine. My friends knew about my first wine purchase. I spent 4 bucks on some wine on my 21st birthday. It was nasty. But over the years, I have learned to appreciate the smell and the subtle flavors that come with each bottle. I also find myself remembering the names of great bottles I have tasted.

This wine was pretty good. Velvety, smooth with an amazing aroma of cherries.

Now, I know what you're thinking. Kendell Jackson? KJ is like the McDonald's of California wines. EVERYONE drinks their wine. (That's what you were thinking right jeff?) I know it's not a unique purchase but it has always been a safe one. Many of their wines are rated pretty consistently in 80s and it's one of those 'go-to' vineyards when you can't find some of those esoteric selections. Kendell Jackson, Robert Mondavi, Sterling, etc. are all pretty much safe bets in my opinion. Besides, I remember all of those vineyards had some excellent 1997 selections that I could still taste in my mind.

So I had two glasses of this pinot with a to-go box of Ribeye steak for an Applebees. It was a nice meal. Usually, I drink a Cabernet Sauvignon with my steaks but this was a good combo too.

The sad thing about drinking wine and eating a fatty steak is the diarrhea that comes afterwards. Apparently, like many people of my race (puerto riquenos), I am missing some key enzymes in my body to "process" the juices from a winery. Although I have been cursed with low levels of dehydrogenases, I still find it worthwhile to experience a good meal.

In fact, I am writing this blog on the toilet while experiencing one of those Shasta-style explosive fecal ejections. Well, I think i have to cut this entry short because I feel another explosion coming on.

Until next time... 

I hate bugs.

I hate bugs. It's that time of the year again when insects crawl out of their nasty eggs and gross holes to bother me day in and day out. I hate bugs. My phobia runs deep and I hate Springtime as a result. Yesterday, I saw the first bug. That means that winter is over. During the winter, the bugs freeze to death or they go hide somewhere. I could leave my door open (but i can't because it's cold...oh the irony) and bugs won't come into my home. Now, these damn bugs are flying, crawling, slithering their way into every damn crack and hole they could find. I have RAID in hand to murder those vile minions of Satan but overcoming the tidal wave of those sinful beasts is close to impossible. I hate bugs.

Curry of Life? WTF?!??!

Here are some screenshots from some oriental cartoon from China or wherever called "Naruto". I don't know much about it except the fact that they/manga dude must be really desperate for story arcs. Curry of Life??? Seriously, curry?
"Life-saving curry recipe"? Hell, we should just get rid of our healthcare system and feed people this curry. Hot damn!

The curry looks nasty. It looks like black stool to me.

Fuck loneliness. Curry can solve all your problems!!! Bravo, writer of Naruto. Bravo.

Steak, Chicken, and the Bitch

Ooh...the title sounds a bit misogynistic. I can assure you that I am not...I just wrote that for "effect" or “pizzazz”. The stories I write in my blog are usually boring. And today’s entry is no different. The title is all I got.

Chicken Story:

I went to a local deli to get some food today. There are a lot of delis where live, and I find myself frequenting many of them these days. They're nothing special in my opinion, because they all serve pretty much the same damn thing: Sandwiches with a hint of italian/everything.

Now, I have nothing against sandwiches or pseudo-italian food, but where I come from, when I go out to eat, I usually visit establishments that serve food of unique origin (aka ethnic food). I don't go out to smorgasbord food joints unless it's a buffet (and there are no buffets around here...or at least the kind of buffets that i'm used to where it's "all you can eat" for a set price). I like to eat Mexican, Chinese, Japanese, Korean, Thai, Italian, French, Hawaiian, "American", Indian, etc. and I like to visit places where they serve those particular flavors in joints that specializes in said ethnic-ality. Sandwiches, i suppose, can be argued as a specialty, but I don't think of that as unique unless they serve something like...say Vietnamese-Sandwich-with-that-cilantro-thing.

I looked around to see what I could eat for sustenance. As an aside, in college, I used to eat for pleasure since I enjoyed the company of my friends, and it was a grand affair celebrating the great sin of gluttony, enjoying the great flavors of the world. Now, I just eat to pass the time and survive. I have no time to enjoy culinary delights. I also don't have the means (money) to do so.

After spending a minute or so, I found myself disgusted by the poor selection and my lack of appetite. Although hungry, I didn’t want to eat anything there. Everything looked bland and disgusting. There were sandwiches, some pedestrian pasta, some fried things, and some more fried things. Under the heat lamp though, there were some roasted chicken. It didn’t look too appetizing, but there were only 2 left so I suppose someone must like them enough to maintain the demand.

There were 4 people in the deli with me, and they all seemed to be in the same boat I was in…looking to settle for something somewhat palatable to satiate hunger. It was a weird experience because all of us were wandering aimlessly through the store, trying to figure out what to eat, much like the zombies in those horror movies looking for a delectable brain to munch on. 5 minutes go by and I don’t see anything appetizing. I realized that the best thing I could do was to buy that roasted chicken. I decided that, like most things in life, I needed to settle for the lesser of two…errr evil foodstuffs.

The interesting thing though, was that all four of us came to the same conclusion at the same time. I found myself heading toward the roasted chicken at about the same time everyone else headed toward those disgusting heat lamp apparatus holding our chicken things.

We were all adults so I didn’t think any one of us was going to run after it. But there was an understanding that two chicken baskets were not going to satisfy all four of us. The race was on. You could see the bodies tense up, ready to fight for that nasty chicken. Well, now that other people wanted it and because there was a limited supply, suddenly the look of the chicken seemed to go from nasty to palatable.

I am no competitor, but I’m also lazy as hell. I didn’t want to visit another establishment to find another alternative to dinner, going through the process of thinking all over again. So, I started to walk briskly toward the goal. As soon as I did that, everyone else started walking a little faster. Oh baby, it was on. We didn’t want to cause a scene but we also didn’t want to lose either. The pace picked up. I knew that at that point, I needed to pull some serious maneuvers to achieve victory. I decided to go for a shortcut through the big stack of Pepsi and around the coffee cart. There wasn’t much space but I managed to pull it off. I have the edge! I reached for the chicken. Success!! I clutched the chicken basket close to my chest, protecting it from the other predators. I swung around and headed for the cash register. The second competitor grabbed the second chicken and followed suit. The two losers stopped in their tracks, with faces showing great disappointment.

I got home excited about the victory. I opened up the basket to smell my glorious success. Gross. I took a bite. Nasty. I had hoped that the sweetness of my success would make the chicken more palatable. I was wrong. I wasted 6 bucks on a piece of shit. Sigh…story of my life. Well…at least I…err…won.

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Steak story:

I was driving today when I saw a girl with an interesting shirt. Across her big breasts, the words “STEAK” was written on it. I didn’t understand the point of that shirt. Maybe the point is that there is no point. Steak is a metaphor for a lot of things, including but not limited to a man’s genitalia, an attractive male, and ribeye. Steak could not have referred to her breasts. Usually, they’re usually referred to as gozangas, boobs, melons, rack, airbags, tits, man-bottle, etc. but never “steak”. It’s a mystery.

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Bitch Story:

Acutally, there is no story. 

Disney is corrupting our kids

Product placement has gone out of control. This is a screenshot from the made for TV movie "High School the Musical" on the Disney Channel. If you look closely, the girl is holding a fancy cellphone. That phone is a Treo 650. Is this what they're teaching kids these days? Are they telling parents that they should shell out $400 bucks on a smartphone to turn their kids into hipsters? For shame Disney! As a proud member of the Christian Coalition and the Alliance on Morals, I must condemn this kind of behavior by Disney. After all, how is it that kids are using Treos when an adult like me don't even have one?

(If you're wondering, I am indeed jealous)

For shame Disney! For shame! 

Funny? Commercial

There was an advertisement on TV for PC/Windows Training Videos.

One lady in her 30s exclaimed that she loved the product. She went on to say that her daughter knew more about computers than she did.

She then said, "And my daughter is 3 and a half!"

I know I shouldn't laugh but I did. Of course, learning to use a PC is not easy. Everything is weird and confusing. She probably didn't grow up with computers like most kids these days. For some reason though, this commercial made me laugh.

Shameful shameful joy.

BLOG stalkers = Blogkers (Copyright 2006)

I've been reading several blogs on a daily basis. I like to read about crazy adventures around the world.

I've noticed over the months that a couple of people leave comments on various blogs with flirtatious and stalker like remarks for the blogger. They're not aggressive or blantantly horny but any "double-d" can figure out their intentions.

There is one blog in particular where this one guy leaves stupid/funny comments to every post. It's clear that the guy wants to get in her pants. It's also clear that the blogger does not know who this guy is. That qualifies him as stalker.

I find it weird watching this unfold. But can I really criticize what he's doing? Does he become a stalker just because it's some dude making funny comments on a female blog?

(Note: I see there is some irony in what i'm writing and doing. And NO, I'm not the stalker.)

Neolojizzm

I heard someone use a new word today on the street.

"STOLED"

Ok...it's NOT a new word...but the way it was used was new to me.

The guy said, "So yeah, he stoled my food and left me with nothing.

I think he was trying to say the preterit form of "steal".

Awesome.

Guns guns guns

I was watching some police program. I think it was "Cops" or some variation.

A man who lived in a small run down house with a really old broken down car had a concealed weapon on him.

It was a fucking Glock 27 with a hard chrome slider.

I thought to myself....how the fuck can he afford that? Did he steal it? Did he buy it from some shady dealer? Even if he did, it ain't no saturday night special. He must have paid more than 100 bucks for it.

Well...that's it. I thought you'd like to know.

The World Interrupted

(_)O(_)

Where's my hamburger?

Old People = Property Damage?

Since it's friday, I needed to restock my food supply. I was running low on everything, including basic needs like water and lay's potato chips.

After the shopping spree, I headed back to my car. As I was loading my bounty into my trunk, I saw an old lady push her cart toward her bourgeois Lexus to place her grocery bags in her fancy trunk . While she was loading her car, she lost her grip on the cart and the cart started to roll away from her. We weren't near a hill or anything but there was a decent slope. The cart started rolling faster and faster away from her. Now, a normal person would have run after it, trying to stop it from going Margo Kidder in the parking lot. This old lady, however, decided to look at me instead. I'm not sure why she looked at me. Did she want me to chase after it like her dog? Was she shocked that laws of physics still applied in this part of the parking lot? I didn't know the answer to those questions but one thing was clear. The cart was on a rampage.

The cart, which was going at tremendous speed, finally reached its destination.

The rear bumper of a BMW X3.

Even from where I was standing, I could see that the cart had made a sizable dent into the shiny bumper. I know that if I were the owner of that car, I would be looking for a baseball bat to kill murder the person who befouled my pristine car.

In any case, the cart slammed into the brand new car with a loud bucazzigga, a noise typically heard when metal meets fiberglass.

The old lady finally started to move toward the cart. She grabbed cart and pulled it away from the damaged vehicle like nothing had happened. She then placed the cart into the cart-holding- pen, with no sign of shame or remorse on her face. She then got into her car and drove off.

I finished putting my food into my car and thought about the shitty day the owner of the beamer was going to have. An unknown assailant violated his/her property and got away with it. What's worse is that the assailant showed no regret.

The story does not end there however.

I drove my car toward the grocery store exit and caught up to the old lady driving her Lexus. We both needed to make a left turn. It was not a protected left. The signal turned green and we inched toward the center of the cross street. There were many cars going straight so I knew we had some time before we could make a safe turn.

The old lady had other plans.

She decided she was going to make a left regardless of the rules of the road and the fact that cars going straight had the right of way. She cut off two cars going straight at her. Everyone blew their horn. The old lady didn't care. She wanted to make her left.

I waited for my turn and made a left. After driving a while, I caught up with her again. This time, as she was driving, she decided to make lane changes without signalling. Almost sideswiping several cars, she swerved back and forth in the busy highway, almost killing everyone.

There have been many attempts at pulling elderly drivers off the road. Legislators across the nation wrote bills attempting to find solutions to rampaging old motorists. AERP and other lobby groups continue to be very successful in blocking these attempts to take away the rights of the elderly. I'm not sure what the right answer may be but one thing is clear. One old lady caused about 1000 dollars worth of damage and almost killed 10 drivers today. This is clearly unacceptable.

Snack attack muthafucka!!

Today I had the case of the munchies. I needed a snack. I went over to Magnolia and got some cupcakes as well as a small latte. As you can see, it didn't take long for me to inhale one of the cupcakes. That's some good shit... 

VVinter VVonderland

It's finally over. The 'perfect storm' has passed and it left in its wake a winter wonderland...actually, I like to say vinter vonderland. It sounds better.

The world is seems peaceful...though it is far from the truth (see below). 

I haven't heard this one before.

 

The weatherman says 10-15 inches.

I awoke to the sounds of plows going into high gear. The snow has been coming down non-stop for the past 10 hours and everything you see is covered in cocaine-like substance. I can assure you that it's merely "cocaine-like" and not the real deal because I tried to snort it. Alas, I won't be able to sell any of this to the rich elementary school kids around town for gas money.

I wanted to get some breakfast but alas, God's wrath prevents me from doing so. I'm going to have a hell of a time digging my car out of this mess.

Whenever I see snow, I am reminded of the great movie "Die Hard 2: Die Harder". Maybe I could get Marvin to clean up this mess. Bah. He wouldn't do it. He'd probably just yell out nonsensical phrases like, "Just like Iwo-jima!"

Maybe later, I'll go and make a small snowman. 

 

The saga continues...

 

Uh oh...here we go!!

 

Nightfall...with little excitement

 

The calm before the storm

 

Storm is coming

Like Batman said in Batman Returns, storm is coming.
And much like Ras Al Gul, God (or possibly Buddha) will blanket this city of decadence with its wrath in the form of watery ejaculation.

The storm of the century (or rather the month) will hit tomorrow night.

There are non-stop warnings regarding this storm. They are asking residents to move their cars in certain areas so that the plows may do the voodoo that they do so well. They are canceling classes, meetings, and all events. Everything is shutting down.

Like the title of the oscar worthy movie starring Kirsten Dunst, I say BRING IT ON!

I have enough food to last me a month. (see below for the kind of food i have around the apt) I have enough water and various liquids to last me the same. I look forward to some asskicking.

However.

If you don't hear from me in the next few days, send help. I may be buried in 1000 feet of powdery death.

Bread from some chinese place.

 

Racist fan.

 

 

Foam cup pisses all over my table

Look at this shit. My foam cup is leaking. This is a brand new cup straight from the package. There must be microscopic holes all around the cup. I have never seen this before. 

Food Review

So, I went to trader joe's to buy some un-PETA-like caged chicken eggs for the week when I had the opportunity to taste some soy "milk".

Let us get something straight. I am no hippie. Other than my strict diet of organic vegetables, meats, and fruits, and my boycott of all things made by "the man" I find myself living the average mid-western joe's life. (Oh yeah, and I don't wear anything made by child/slave labor so I wear all things hemp)

In any case, I tasted Trader Joe's Organic Vanilla Soy milk. It was delicious. I haven't had soy milk in a long long time and this really brought back some memories.

You see, back in the way, my family couldn't afford cow's milk, for it was a luxury. Back then, the only "milk" we had came in powder form. And occasionally, the powder was of soy origin.

I became hooked immediately and bought two gallons of soy milk to drink for the week. In fact, I'm drinking some as I write this.

The moral of this blog entry is this: Go buy some Trader Joe's Organic Vanilla Soy Milk....it's Soy-tastic!

(This sight has no affliation with Trader Joe's...though if you'd like me to do some so-called guerilla marketing, I'm open to anything)

I am a moron

I have realized something.

I am a fucking moron.

I have very little time left on earth and yet I haven't experienced not even a percent of what humanity has to offer.

I am stuck in some dead end job that will, in the end, place me neatly into a stereotype-of-a-life. What a swell way to get off to a lousy start eh?

One thing I could do to alleviate part of my problem is to learn more languages. But since I'm a moron, it has been difficult. I wish to learn Japanese because I would like to read some of their crap. I would like to learn French because that's the other universal language. I would like to learn Chinese (both Cant and Mand) because it'll be easier to learn Japanese and Korean. And the fact that Mr. Bush has acknowledged China as an economic threat tells me i gotta adapt to a possible Chinese-dominated future. Besides, learning a language spoken by 1.5 billion people ain't too shabby. I would like to learn German because it sounds so cool. I would like to learn Russian because they also have "the bomb".

I also need to change my lifestyle. I sit around all day daydreaming about what it would be like to live under the sea. I need to focus on how to live here and now. My turkish roommate and friend used to have a screensaver on his 'puter that said, "Carpe Diem". I need to follow that advice.

Now if you'll excuse me...I'm going to go watch Master and Commander for the 20 time. I will re-live, in my mind, a life as a "left-tenant" on a British man-o-war in the 1800s.

Chingado...

MTV has finally destroyed TV

I was channel surfing when my TV ended up on MTV2.

I'll get right to the point.

MTV now has commercials DURING the show.

I must say again. They flash commercials DURING THE FUCKING SHOW!!!

First, they started with the stupid watermark in the corner of the screen. Then, I thought it was bad when they started flashing a large strip of advertisement RIGHT in the middle of the fucking screen telling me to watch some other shitty show during my program.

But now, these advertisements cover the ENTIRE screen. During this time, you miss what is going in the show you are trying to watch. The advertisement is not even translucent so you can sort of make out what's going on in the program you are trying to enjoy. It completely takes you out of the program and ends up pissing you off.

They don't care if they interrupt the program. This is the worst shit I have ever seen.

I was never an advocate of piracy. I don't pirate tv programs. I think MTV2 does this so that when people rip stuff, the watermark/ad can still be retained. Now I don't care anymore. Do that voodoo that you do so well.

Adventures in Garden State

I needed to visit good ol' state of New Jersey to purchase some goods.

The road to Jersey is a beautiful one. The highway cuts through a great forest and the view on both sides of the highway is incredible. It feels surreal driving alone during the day and I often open all my windows to breathe in the fresh air and become one with nature.

I feel like I'm experiencing a Walt Whitman poem in real life...without the homosexuality.

I'm enjoying the air flowing through my long brown hair when I happen to catch the speedometer.

100 mph.

SHIT! I start to look around and see that there are no cops or cars. Whew! I decide that I'll drive slower. I start to reduce my speed.

I wonder about the speed limit in this area when I finally see the speed limit sign in the distance.

45 mph.

I was driving 55 miles per hour over the speed limit. Granted, I was over the limit for only a short while but I was going WAY too fast. I reduce my speed to 55 and lock in the cruise control. I do NOT want to get a speeding ticket like Jeff and waste a day at some Godforsaken traffic school.

A few miles later, I see a hidden highway patrol police officer.

DOUBLE WHEW!!

He would have fucked me up for sho'.

A few miles later, I see two more cops.

Woah. They're ready to kick some ass.

Suddenly, I see another car rush past me at incredible speed. I think to myself, he's fucked.

Sure enough, the cops turns on the siren and a chase begins. I see the cars pull over after a couple of miles. BUSTED!!

~~to be continued~~