Sunday, September 25, 2005

Dreams

I've had strange dreams all my life. For the most part, they were funny dreams.

Last night, I had another one of those funny dreams.

I was holding a dismantled Glock 26. I was putting it back together piece by piece. I finished putting it together and all i had to do was load the clip with fresh bullets.

The strange thing was that the bullets were all different shapes and sizes. Some looked like 50 caliber ammo which I knew couldn't possibly fit into a 26 clip. And yet, for some strange reason, I was able to load 9 of those puppies into this clip. Then, i started to fill my other backup clips with other strange bullets.

I finished loading 5 extra clips and then loaded the gun. Then i heard a voice telling me that I must purchase a better gun than this 26. Though well designed, the 26 is primarily a conceal and carry and I felt like the voice was telling me to get a more powerful and "in your face" type of weapon.

I walked over to the gunshop, which happened to be right next door to my house. I walked in and the shop owner told me that I could pick out any gun I wanted for free because I was such a good customer. I looked over the stereotypical weapons like the Desert Eagles, Berrettas, etc. and picked out a weird looking medieval pistol.

I carried this home and found that i have to use a flintlock mechanism. For some reason though, I found that this gun was so powerful, it could bust through concrete and steel.

Then I woke up. Strange.

I wonder what this means?

Saturday, September 24, 2005

Iced Ass

When in Rome....

I've been working hard, trying to adapt to the lifestyles of this foreign land. I've been working hard to blend in with the local folk.

It's been proving to be difficult.

I was at K-mart trying to buy a vacuum cleaner. I don't have much money so I had hoped that I could purchase a cheap version of this household cleaning essential at this store so that I may clean up the pig-stye that i call home.

When I got there, there were no vacuum cleaners. Well, that's a lie. There was ONE vacuum cleaner left in the entire store...and it was $200. I cannot afford a $200 vacuum cleaner. Was it a surprise that this local establishment did not have things in stock? Hardly. Most stores for the lay people around here have nothing on the shelves. I don't know how they make money. I think they get one shipment of goods a year and if they sell out, tough luck. Even if they did have it in stock; that is, even if they had the products in the back, it would take another year for the workers to get it out to the front of the store. I find that I am forced to do most of the shopping online. In any case, I was out of luck in finding a cheap vacuum cleaner. The day before, I had visited 2 Targets and a home depot...they were all sold out. There must have been a massive dust storm attack, and people were stocking up.

I was discouraged once more, having wasted another 2 hours of my life in some godforsaken store. Sadly, it takes 2 hours on average to do anything outside of the house.

Tangent Time

This comes to my theory. Everyone is in a hurry around here. Furthermore, everyone is always late. I couldn't understand how that could be. I assumed everyone was walking briskly, driving quickly and erratically, and was always in some damn hurry because there was so much work to do.

This is NOT the case.

The reason for the hurry is because the foudation of the local infrastructure is so damn lazy.

The people working the checkout counters, the workers at fast food joints, waiters, baggers, cleaners, construction workers, stockers, etc. are fucking lazy. Are there exceptions? Probably. The exceptions, however, do not work around here I can tell you that. It takes me on averge 30 minutes to get through any checkout counter when I'm the only one in line. It takes me on average 30 minutes for a worker to tell me anything about anything. It takes on average a century to fix one mile stretch of road or highway. It takes 8 hours for an oil change. This is why everyone is so fucking late. This is why everything seems so fast paced. This is why everybody is in a goddamn hurry.

This is truly ironic. This part of the country is seen to have fast paced busy lives due to work. But I'm here to correct the misconceptions. People in the bottom rung of the economic ladder is slowing everybody the fuck down.

Now you're probably saying, "how can you be so damn prejudiced? how can you make such generalizations?" The simple answer to that is, "I can" and a better explanation is "it's the truth."

Here is a typical example. I'm at a KFC. I order a chicken leg. The chicken is sitting under a warmer ready to be picked up and placed in a box. The worker takes 10 minutes trying to figure out how to put the chicken leg in a box. Another example: At Costco, there are 30 checkout lanes with 30 checkout employees working. Every two minutes 15 of those checkout lanes are not moving because the workers are either a) talking to another employee about personal life or b) can't figure out how to use the checkout machine. Third example. They are trying to repave the street near my apartment. They've been trying to repave it for the past year and a half. It is still not done. The workers never work. If they do work, they work 30 minutes a day. 20 minutes of that is spent on eating. Fourth example. The county has been trying to fix a 500 yard stretch of highway. They started the work in 1999. It has taken 6 years. They are still not finished.

End Tangent

Back to K-Mart. I drag my weary body to the exit. I see one of those hot dog/food counters you often see at K-marts all over the country. I see the Icee machine and decide to treat myself to some liquid diabetes Type II, you know, to give my insulin a kick in the ass. I head over to the counter and I ask the man for a small blueberry Icee. The guy of course, doesn't listen to me and starts to talk to his co-worker. Let's see 2 minutes gone. He then turns to me and says, "What do you want dawg." I reply with my order and he funktastically walks over to the Icee machine. He fiddles with the machine, trying to figure out how to get the sugar water to ejaculate into my cup. Another 3 minutes gone.

While I'm waiting, an employee walks up to me. I was waiting to hear what this stranger wanted to say to me when she started talking about "breaktime". I didn't understand what was going on when I suddenly realized another worker walking toward me from my right to speak to the employee on my left. I was basically sandwiched between two employees at this point. They proceeded to speak to each other through me. I could not understand why they couldn't just go around me to speak to each other. There was plenty of room. Nevertheless, they talked about taking a break in 15 minutes so they could have a 15 minute break. They also wanted to heat up some chicken fingers to eat during that break. They then started talking about their boyfriends. Meanwhile, both of my ears are bleeding from this banality.

Finally, the guy gives me my Icee. I pay the man and take a sip. Ugh. Gross. The Icee tastes like ass water. My theory is that some worker, during their break, took a massive shit in the Icee machine and made a unique concoction to kill the customers. Digusted, tired, and pissed off, I walk out of the store.

I get to my car and proceed to drive home. While driving, a guy, not paying attention to the road, almost sideswipe me with his Porsche. I give him the customary finger and two friendly honks and three "fuck yous". (Like I said, I'm trying to blend in.) The guy replies with similar private signals and we're on our way.

This is the life in Rome. I'm trying hard not to become a big asshole I'm trying hard not to become one of those fuckers you see on the street pushing you out of the way. But if the inhabitants in this foreign land all behave in such uncouth manner, what am I supposed to do? Do as the Romans do?

Monday, September 12, 2005

Stop Smoking in my face ASSHOLE!

I hate cigarette smoke. I hate it because I don't want to die. The smoke destroys your body. There are no ifs, ands, or buts to this discussion.

But people smoke anyway. And they smoke it in front of me. So i have to breathe in this shitty smoke and lose precious seconds to my life. Not only that, I increase the chances of other health complications. These carcinogens can be catalysts to many diseases.

United States spends $150 BILLION dollars annually treating people with complications that arose from chronic cigarette smoking. Why must I pay for their health? There are ads all over TV to stop people from smoking. They're not airing these ads for some altruistic cause. They are there to cut the cost of healthcare. They are there to protect people like me from paying for some fucker's bad habit. The ads are there to prevent me from dying.

So fuck you to all the smokers out there. If you want to smoke, go into a chamber and smoke yourself to oblivion.

Speaking of healthcare economics, here's an interesting story:

A boy needed life saving treatment at a hospital. The kid doesn't have insurance to cover these treatments. He will die if he doesn't receive them. By law, the hospital cannot just abandon the kid since he lives under the "jurisdiction" of the hospital. So do you know what the hospital is forced to do?

They buy him a house in the next county so that another hospital can take care of him. It was cheaper to buy him a fucking house in the next county than to treat him the rest of his life. It saved the hospital millions of dollars.

This is the sad state of affairs.

So I get pissed when we piss away our money on preventable diseases caused by cigarettes. We have enough shit to worry about. With the money saved, we could save Timmy, or put it into NASA, or declare war on another country and fight for 2 years.

I guess what I'm trying to say is:

Say no to ACID!...I mean Smoking.

Saturday, September 03, 2005

H@x0r R37@rd3d

Okay, there was this website hosting some file that i needed to get. The cursed file had a freakin' protection from some cursed program and it would not allow me ample time to click on the link.

Here's what I did.

I made a judgement call on the bandwidth where this "page" was being hosted. So, if i could eat up enough bandwidth, i could slow down this "switching" process that blocked me from clicking the link. I therefore had to suck up part of the site's bandwidth just enough to slow down the "shut down" process to click the link.

After a couple of tries, I got it. I'm very proud of myself. Saints be praised.

These retarded sites are finding stupid ways of "hiding" their files. Frankly, I'm sick of it. One site uses those stupid banner blocking system, which is easily cleared by resizing the window. There are also these "timer" sites. There are other sites not allowing you to right-click, etc. which can all be bypassed easily. Why do these people bother? Why can't they just create clean, minimalistic sites so that the world can use up less bandwidth and stop playing stupid games with surfers.

Btw, the file i was trying to get was not illegal in any way. The guy hosting the lyrics to a song was trying to be funny.