Watching the 6th season of the Simpsons (the best season of the whole series) motivated me to form a "secret" society like the Stonecutters.
I like the fact that all they do is drink and be merry. We can do the same. Of course, from time to time, we can swing history in our favor too.
I must think of a great name for it.
I wonder what "Death to all humans" in Latin or Ancient Greek might be...
Saturday, August 27, 2005
Woes of a SUV owner
I was watching news today when I saw a woman complaining about how she has to cut back on food purchases and other purchases for her children because she had to pay $50 filling up her SUV. She didn't understand what was going on with the economy.
I laughed.
First of all, the woman spent $40,000 on her fancy new 2005 SUV.
Second, the woman bought a SUV.
Third, if she had purchased a cheaper car with better gas mileage, she could have given her children more and paid less overall in gas.
So I laughed. I have no sympathy for these people. Let them suffer. And let their children suffer. That's the only way people will learn....through the suffering of children.
Don't get me wrong, I have no problems with people purchasing $100,000 cars burning gas everywhere. I have no problem destroying the environment. I have no problem with 5 mpg Hummers. But when these owners start complaining about gas prices and the cost of living, I start to laugh.
I laughed.
First of all, the woman spent $40,000 on her fancy new 2005 SUV.
Second, the woman bought a SUV.
Third, if she had purchased a cheaper car with better gas mileage, she could have given her children more and paid less overall in gas.
So I laughed. I have no sympathy for these people. Let them suffer. And let their children suffer. That's the only way people will learn....through the suffering of children.
Don't get me wrong, I have no problems with people purchasing $100,000 cars burning gas everywhere. I have no problem destroying the environment. I have no problem with 5 mpg Hummers. But when these owners start complaining about gas prices and the cost of living, I start to laugh.
Wednesday, August 24, 2005
Post office woman from hell
I have used the USPS all my life. They have been reliable for me and I have not had many problems with their service.
Until today.
I went into the local post office to mail a package. The box was a priority mail box, the kind that they have available for free at the post office.
When I arrived, there was no one at the office and I immediately found myself being helped by a nice friendly gentleman at the counter. The man asked,
"Did you want to send this by priority, which is $18 dollars or would you like to send it overnight for $45 dollars?"
I thought about this for a few seconds and determined that overnight-ing the package might be a good idea. So, I told him that I would like to send the package via express mail.
The man said "no problem" and gave me the extra forms that I needed to fill out.
I filled out the forms and returned to the counter.
I was about to hand the man the package once again when a female civil service employee walked in.
She said to me, "What are you doing?"
I replied, "I'm handing him my package."
She stated, "You can't send that. You can't send priority mail box express."
I said, "Okay....can you tell me why?"
She said, "That's a priority mail box. You can't send it express. It has those letters on the side that says 'Priority'. You can only send that box by priority"
I thought to myself, Jesus, I'm spending an extra $20 bucks to send it overnight, you would think that they would want the extra money. Oh well, i guess rules are rules.
I then asked her, "So if the letters on the side of the box that said 'priority' was hidden in some way, I could send it?"
"Yeah"
Okay, so I looked around the office. There was a black sharpie in one of her pen holders. I asked,
"May I borrow the sharpie ma'am?"
"No."
I asked, "Why not?"
She said, "It's not yours and you can't use it if you're going to use it on that box."
"Um...okay. May I then borrow some of your express mail packaging stickers that you give free to the customers so I can cover up the letters?"
I guess I stumped her on that one. She quietly thought about it and replied,
"No."
I said, "Ma'am, I am just trying to send this package. And I'm going to spend a lot of money here doing so. Can't you just hand me those free express mail packaging tape that you have one your counter so I can send this and leave?"
"No."
I wanted to go postal at this point. Sympathy was flowing for those crazy postal workers who went ballistic.
"Fine." I said curtly. I started to walk into the lobby when I caught a glimpse of the man who was helping me before. He had a "I'm sorry she's such a bitch but hey, at least YOU don't have to work with this whore day in and day out" look.
I gave him a nod and went back into the lobby.
I looked around A-team style and tried to figure out what to do. I decided that i'll take one of those overpriced clear packing tape, rip those priority mail paper envelopes into strips big enough to just cover the letters, and tape it up.
I took the next five minutes taping up the box. My anger was at a high at this point. I wanted to trash the lobby. I was very close to doing so until I thought a) getting arrested would not be good b) the bitch would probably make the nice male postal worker clean up the mess.
I kept my calm and approached the counter again with my newly covered box.
The lady decided to personally wait on me. She said, "I can't allow you do monopolize my time by helping you cover up the box."
I look around the office. There were still no customers.
I did not reply.
She then said, "woah, this is gonna cost you $45." She said this in a tone that reeked of "I told you so, you should have used priority you stupid kid".
I still did not reply.
"This is gonna cost you a lot."
I replied, "Is there a question?"
She got the hint and said, "$45 bucks total". I handed her my debit card and paid for it.
As I left, I looked at the male worker one last time. Again, he had a look that said, "Don't cry for me. I'm already dead".
My god, these encounters with lamias are wearing me out. Is there no happy kind females anywhere in this state? I'm thinking, no.
Until today.
I went into the local post office to mail a package. The box was a priority mail box, the kind that they have available for free at the post office.
When I arrived, there was no one at the office and I immediately found myself being helped by a nice friendly gentleman at the counter. The man asked,
"Did you want to send this by priority, which is $18 dollars or would you like to send it overnight for $45 dollars?"
I thought about this for a few seconds and determined that overnight-ing the package might be a good idea. So, I told him that I would like to send the package via express mail.
The man said "no problem" and gave me the extra forms that I needed to fill out.
I filled out the forms and returned to the counter.
I was about to hand the man the package once again when a female civil service employee walked in.
She said to me, "What are you doing?"
I replied, "I'm handing him my package."
She stated, "You can't send that. You can't send priority mail box express."
I said, "Okay....can you tell me why?"
She said, "That's a priority mail box. You can't send it express. It has those letters on the side that says 'Priority'. You can only send that box by priority"
I thought to myself, Jesus, I'm spending an extra $20 bucks to send it overnight, you would think that they would want the extra money. Oh well, i guess rules are rules.
I then asked her, "So if the letters on the side of the box that said 'priority' was hidden in some way, I could send it?"
"Yeah"
Okay, so I looked around the office. There was a black sharpie in one of her pen holders. I asked,
"May I borrow the sharpie ma'am?"
"No."
I asked, "Why not?"
She said, "It's not yours and you can't use it if you're going to use it on that box."
"Um...okay. May I then borrow some of your express mail packaging stickers that you give free to the customers so I can cover up the letters?"
I guess I stumped her on that one. She quietly thought about it and replied,
"No."
I said, "Ma'am, I am just trying to send this package. And I'm going to spend a lot of money here doing so. Can't you just hand me those free express mail packaging tape that you have one your counter so I can send this and leave?"
"No."
I wanted to go postal at this point. Sympathy was flowing for those crazy postal workers who went ballistic.
"Fine." I said curtly. I started to walk into the lobby when I caught a glimpse of the man who was helping me before. He had a "I'm sorry she's such a bitch but hey, at least YOU don't have to work with this whore day in and day out" look.
I gave him a nod and went back into the lobby.
I looked around A-team style and tried to figure out what to do. I decided that i'll take one of those overpriced clear packing tape, rip those priority mail paper envelopes into strips big enough to just cover the letters, and tape it up.
I took the next five minutes taping up the box. My anger was at a high at this point. I wanted to trash the lobby. I was very close to doing so until I thought a) getting arrested would not be good b) the bitch would probably make the nice male postal worker clean up the mess.
I kept my calm and approached the counter again with my newly covered box.
The lady decided to personally wait on me. She said, "I can't allow you do monopolize my time by helping you cover up the box."
I look around the office. There were still no customers.
I did not reply.
She then said, "woah, this is gonna cost you $45." She said this in a tone that reeked of "I told you so, you should have used priority you stupid kid".
I still did not reply.
"This is gonna cost you a lot."
I replied, "Is there a question?"
She got the hint and said, "$45 bucks total". I handed her my debit card and paid for it.
As I left, I looked at the male worker one last time. Again, he had a look that said, "Don't cry for me. I'm already dead".
My god, these encounters with lamias are wearing me out. Is there no happy kind females anywhere in this state? I'm thinking, no.
Thursday, August 18, 2005
I'm on the Cellphone muthafucka
Once again I find myself at the local McDonalds drive-thru. After a hard day's work, I wanted to purchase a chicken combo for the drive home. Before this quest could be fulfilled however, I had to deal with the guy ahead of me in his 97 Honda Civic.
The man in front of me was in his mid 20s in a blue pinstriped suit. His hair was slicked back and he had gold jewelery all over his hands. He also had one of those swanky cell phones, a mark of great importance and status.
The man started to place his order in the magic box when suddenly his cell phone rang a loud ring. The polyphonic melody reselmbed that of Fat Joe's medly.
"Wassup man. Yeah. Yeah. I'm getting McDonalds"
Now, the woman in the box thought, understandably, the man in the car was talking to her. After all, he was in the middle of ordering his combo meal. When the woman started to probe the man to see whether she had the order right, the considerate man shouted,
"Can't you see I'm on the fucking cellphone?"
I laughed.
It was so ridiculous on so many levels, i had no choice but to laugh.
After he took his sweet time talking to his "bud" on the cell phone, he graciously moved his car forward to the payment window. His spectacle created a long line of cars that spilled over on the main street.
I always wondered about the mentality of these people. Did they have absolutely no consideration for others? Were they just born as assholes? Did society breed them this way? As I pondered these questions, I drove onward...munching on my cold limp fries.
The man in front of me was in his mid 20s in a blue pinstriped suit. His hair was slicked back and he had gold jewelery all over his hands. He also had one of those swanky cell phones, a mark of great importance and status.
The man started to place his order in the magic box when suddenly his cell phone rang a loud ring. The polyphonic melody reselmbed that of Fat Joe's medly.
"Wassup man. Yeah. Yeah. I'm getting McDonalds"
Now, the woman in the box thought, understandably, the man in the car was talking to her. After all, he was in the middle of ordering his combo meal. When the woman started to probe the man to see whether she had the order right, the considerate man shouted,
"Can't you see I'm on the fucking cellphone?"
I laughed.
It was so ridiculous on so many levels, i had no choice but to laugh.
After he took his sweet time talking to his "bud" on the cell phone, he graciously moved his car forward to the payment window. His spectacle created a long line of cars that spilled over on the main street.
I always wondered about the mentality of these people. Did they have absolutely no consideration for others? Were they just born as assholes? Did society breed them this way? As I pondered these questions, I drove onward...munching on my cold limp fries.
Sunday, August 14, 2005
Shitty Conversation
I was at a public loo participating in the ritual of micturition when I heard two gentlemen talking to each other in the stalls. They started talking about how their stomachs were hurting and that they had been waiting all day to engage in defecation. From their conversations, I gathered they were perfect strangers, having only met fortutitously in this public shit dumpster. One gentleman then proceeded to rip a loud fart and vacated his bowels with great vigour.
I found all of this quite odd. I felt as though I was in some dream....a shitty dream. I personally follow the unwritten unspoken rule of public restrooms. When I'm pissing, I look straight ahead, do my business, grunt a satisfactory grunt, and leave the premises post-haste. When I'm defecating in public, I engage in multiple courtesy flushes and try to keep my "shameful" business discreet, taking extra care to not shit on the seats.
When I finally left the bathroom, the gentlemen were talking politics and laughing it up.
So the question is, have I "got it all wrong"? Am I supposed to talk to the people around me for moral support while taking a shit? Am I not "with it"? I think I will try to be brave next time I take a crap in public, and start a conversation about the latest episode of Family Guy with the shitty guy next to me. Who knows, maybe I'll find my new best friend.
I found all of this quite odd. I felt as though I was in some dream....a shitty dream. I personally follow the unwritten unspoken rule of public restrooms. When I'm pissing, I look straight ahead, do my business, grunt a satisfactory grunt, and leave the premises post-haste. When I'm defecating in public, I engage in multiple courtesy flushes and try to keep my "shameful" business discreet, taking extra care to not shit on the seats.
When I finally left the bathroom, the gentlemen were talking politics and laughing it up.
So the question is, have I "got it all wrong"? Am I supposed to talk to the people around me for moral support while taking a shit? Am I not "with it"? I think I will try to be brave next time I take a crap in public, and start a conversation about the latest episode of Family Guy with the shitty guy next to me. Who knows, maybe I'll find my new best friend.
Thursday, August 04, 2005
Aubrey/Maturin Novels
I am currently reading the Aubrey/Maturin novels written by Patrick O'Brian. They are excellent books.
They started out difficult to understand. It was frustrating in the beginning because I didn't know what the hell was going on. I am a landlubber and I do not understand anything about Naval terms, let alone Naval terms during the Napoleonic era. However, fancy maneuvres and ship riggings are not as important to me as character development. I find the dynamic betwen Aubrey and Maturin fascinating. Maturin is everything I would like to be in a human being.
Maturin is a secret agent for the British. He is extremely competent and he does his job without asking for anything in return. He has great knowledge and skill. He's also eccentric. He brings aboard Aubrey's Man-Of-War strange creatures he wishes to study, to everyone's dismay. He brings bees, sloths, rats, and other weird and strange bugs and animals. He is also dirty, tactless (when it comes to Naval traditions), and funky. He dresses in the funkiest, though practical, clothing.
Maturin and Aubrey are closest friends. However, they do fight various times through out the books. They would fight about tradition, politics, and women (love triangle thing).
I realized that this post has become a 1st grade book report so I will stop. My Zeus, I have become retarded in a span of two months.
In any case, I would recommend reading this series. I haven't been this engrossed since Harry Potter. I wear a wizard hat and cloak and practice my magic using a wand during my adventures with Harry Potter. I think pretty soon, I'll have to buy a 19th century British Post Captain's Hat and Sword.
I was never a fantasy reader but these days I am beginning to love them. I think certain books must be read during certain times in your life to have the greatest impact. But that analysis is for a later time.
BTW, I'm getting more and more pissed off about Kant's analysis of morality. I know Kant struts around philosophy domain like he owns the place but I feel like the fucker went nuts. I wish I knew German well enough to spread my own gospel/bullshit. I remember the days of Locke. His books are so comfortable. They are like marshmellows...soft and cuddly. I can open the book on any page and his reasoning is clear. I may not agree with him but they're clear. The only German guy I tolerate is Nietzsche and the other dude whose name I won't mention.
They started out difficult to understand. It was frustrating in the beginning because I didn't know what the hell was going on. I am a landlubber and I do not understand anything about Naval terms, let alone Naval terms during the Napoleonic era. However, fancy maneuvres and ship riggings are not as important to me as character development. I find the dynamic betwen Aubrey and Maturin fascinating. Maturin is everything I would like to be in a human being.
Maturin is a secret agent for the British. He is extremely competent and he does his job without asking for anything in return. He has great knowledge and skill. He's also eccentric. He brings aboard Aubrey's Man-Of-War strange creatures he wishes to study, to everyone's dismay. He brings bees, sloths, rats, and other weird and strange bugs and animals. He is also dirty, tactless (when it comes to Naval traditions), and funky. He dresses in the funkiest, though practical, clothing.
Maturin and Aubrey are closest friends. However, they do fight various times through out the books. They would fight about tradition, politics, and women (love triangle thing).
I realized that this post has become a 1st grade book report so I will stop. My Zeus, I have become retarded in a span of two months.
In any case, I would recommend reading this series. I haven't been this engrossed since Harry Potter. I wear a wizard hat and cloak and practice my magic using a wand during my adventures with Harry Potter. I think pretty soon, I'll have to buy a 19th century British Post Captain's Hat and Sword.
I was never a fantasy reader but these days I am beginning to love them. I think certain books must be read during certain times in your life to have the greatest impact. But that analysis is for a later time.
BTW, I'm getting more and more pissed off about Kant's analysis of morality. I know Kant struts around philosophy domain like he owns the place but I feel like the fucker went nuts. I wish I knew German well enough to spread my own gospel/bullshit. I remember the days of Locke. His books are so comfortable. They are like marshmellows...soft and cuddly. I can open the book on any page and his reasoning is clear. I may not agree with him but they're clear. The only German guy I tolerate is Nietzsche and the other dude whose name I won't mention.
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