Don't Stop on a Highway

There are very few reasons why you would stop in the middle of a highway.

1) There is traffic

2) There is an accident (you are involved or one occured in your vicinity)

3) Cop pulls you over (you don't stop in the middle of the highway though, you move to the side and stop

4) An animal jumps out in front of you.

5) There is a traffic light at different sections of the highway (there are several areas in the US where this is so)

Suffice it to say, there are very few reasons why one would stop in the middle of a highway with a 65 mile speed limit.

However, today, a woman decided to stop. I have no idea why she stopped in the middle of the highway. I was just driving along behind her when she started to slow down. There was no one around. It was just me and her. It was a 2 lane highway and because her speed was good, I cruised along with her.

She started to slow down and then stopped. As I passed her, I couldn't figure out what the hell she was doing. Other cars started coming up behind her. They were honking to get her going. Her Mercedes seemed fine (it was relatively new model, probably 1 year old). It wasn't like it broke down. It was an automatic. She wasn't in distress. She wasn't on the cell phone. Nothing. She just stopped.


But you know, this shit happens all the time.

I live near an upscale area. I don't personally live in a posh area. I live near a freaking prison. But, I can say that the surrounding areas "across the tracks" seem very nice. I can say that I live 8.5 miles from someone who was once the most powerful man in the world.

People here drive a lot of Porsches. It's the car of choice. They also have ferraris. It was funny parking my POS car next to a ferrari at the local Target.

The people driving these REALLY expensive cars are old.

Now, not old drivers suck. But as you get older, your reflexes slow down. I'm sure I'll be a shitty driver when I get older too. In any case, they cause so many accidents and traffic jams in these parts it's freaking crazy. They pull all these weird shit on the road. I'm surprised that I'm still alive.

I heard one elderly gentleman say that everyone should buy Audis because you can get into accidents and still survive. Was this a warning?

ADHD Blows

Attention Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder (or ADD in popular terms) has been perceived for the most part in our society as a disorder not too serious compared to other debilitating disease. In some ways it's true. I suppose it depends on the severity. We see the stereotypical grade school child getting poor grades and the subsequent prescription of magical drugs to counteract it. We even use term for condescending purposes, diagnosing friends or family when they're acting crazy.

However, socially, ADHD can be devestating to the individual suffering as well as those around him.

I know an adult individual with ADHD. This person cannot concentrate. People, including his fiance, would try to have meaningful conversation with him but he can't keep his mind on the subject for more than 10 seconds. They would have conversations about family and the future when he would look away and not pay attention to the conversation at hand. I would be talking to him and he would look away and interrupt with "cool, look at that". This is really frustrating. (I am reminded of the Simpsons episode where Homer sees his long lost twin brother "Guy Incognito" but then gets distracted by the dog with the bushy tail) Many times, he would forget what he was talking about or what anyone else was talking about. His symptom would kick in, for example, when you're ranting to him about something or other, when he interrupts with some ridiculous subject because he has lost track of what was happening. At these times, you want to just kick the crap out of him but your frontal lobe kicks in instead and prevents you from doing so.

Medication helps somewhat but in the end, ADHD blows donkey chunks.

Annoying songs

Crazy Frog - Axel Foley Song

Here is the original annoying tone for your cell.

"I can't find the hole"

I went to KFC/Taco Bell to get some late lunch.

They are known to be EXTREMELY slow.

The term "Fast Food" doesn't exist around these parts. I have been spoiled early in life with prompt, friendly service from these establishments. That way, my road to obesity was also quick and painless.

And due to their predictable tardiness, I play a game where i time this Drive Through experience. You'll be happy to know that these men and women of this particular KFC did not let me down. They clocked in at 24.3 minutes. That is the time starting with ordering via the ominous "box" to getting my bag o' food.

BTW, they ALMOST got my order wrong again, but fortunately, I caught their mistake when they asked if i wanted gravy with my macaroni.

Macaroni, Mashed Potatoes. They sound the same. They both start with M. I can accept that.

This was the fastest time yet. But i must say I was visiting this establishment during 1) off hours 2) no one was in the sit down restaurant 3) no one was in the drive thru in front of me 4) and there were only 4 workers standing around doing nothing rather than the usual 6. Usually, no one is working and the lines in both the drive thru and the sit down part of the restaurant get longer than anyone can imagine. But still, it was damn "fast". Hyperbole? Hell, I wish.

Anyway, the guy was handing me my bag when I asked him for some KFC hot sauce.

The guy grabbed 5 or 6 packets and proceeded to place them in the bag. I could see, however, that he had missed the "hole" and that my packets were laying outside of the bag within moments of tumbling to the ground.

Before i could say anything, he handed me the bag by the handle, and of course, all the sauce packets fell to the floor. Then, he promptly closed the bulletproof/fu*k you window.

I tried to say, "excuse me sir" but i think that window also protects the workers from complaints.

I waited a bit to get his attention when suddenly he opened the window to give me another bag of food and drink. I believe this "set" was for the car now behind me.

I told him, "No, that's not for me. I would like some hot sauce please. The sauce you gave me fell on the floor"

The guy then gave me the fiercest look ever. It looked as though he wanted to pull out a .45 and shoot me in the head. He shook his head as though it was my fault that this a-hole couldn't get it in the hole.

As retaliation, he grabbed 32 bags of Hot sauce and slammed it into my hand (i counted them). Then he quickly closed the window again.

Wow. What an experience. I was once again entertained.

Moral of the story, "Get it in the hole or else no one will be satisfied."

Salsa Picante Por Favor

I went to my local "McDowells" to get some Breakfast Burritos and Coffee.

Now I know you're probably thinking, "Why in the world would you eat Breakfast Burritos from McDonald's? Go to a Mexican restaurant or at least a Tex-Mex to get a decent one!"

Don't get me wrong. I would LOVE to eat somewhere else. Unfortunately, the closest restaurant resembling an establishment that dispenses Latin Flava' is six miles away. Six miles is freakin' far for a damn burrito.

So I pull up to the ol' drive-thru (drive-through) and a nice middle-aged lady hands me my bag full of sustenance.

Now, I like my burritos with salsa. It tastes better that way. Ideally, I would like some pico de gallo but this is McDonalds. I must compromise.

I proceed then to ask the lady for some salsa for my burrito.

Me: "May I have some Salsa please?"

Lady: "For your coffee?"

Me: "No, for the breakfrast burrito maam"

(I'm forcing a smile at this point because I can feel this is going to be another "showdown" of sorts.)

Lady: "I already put some sugar in your bag"

Me: "Oh thank you. But actually, I am asking for some salsa for my burritos"

(She's looking at me like I'm from another planet)

Lady: "You wanted cream too?"

Me: "Huh? Well, I think I have some cream but I would like some salsa"

Lady: "...."

Me: "Salsa. Salsa Picante? The red stuff that you use for tacos, and nachos."

(I am maintaining my polite voice. I could feel the tension and the stare of an angry impatient man in the car behind me. I'm sure the guy is thinking, "What the fu*k is going on up there? Is that prick ordering for 100?")

Finally, the lady says,

Lady: "Oh. Salsa. Mild or Hot?"

Me: "Hot please. Spicy."

Lady: "Here you go"

She hands me two packets of mild salsa and smiles.

I thank the lady and drive off with my mild salsa.

So here is the score:

World Out to Get Me: 20
Me: 0

And we're at the bottom of the 9th inning with 2 outs and bases empty.

*sigh*

Niccolo Machiavelli

This man wrote a letter called "The Prince".

It was a revelation of sorts for those wishing to stay in power.

I had the fortunate opportunity to read this in 10th grade. I also read it many times after that. I think the brilliance of this book is the unsaid/unwritten portions of Machiavelli's philosophy.

I hope to write about it some day.

-Another random entry from the mixed up files of basil e frankweiler

Addendum: Music h8er

I am trying to study for an exam in "complicated auto mechanics" and my neighbor is blasting his music. I hate this. You would think they would have the courtesy to keep it down. I hate these pricks.

I'm glad that at least for most of my early years, I was blessed with considerate roommates.

Thanks Ned.

Suite 250 Lives on!!!

Meshach Taylor and all the rest

Meshach Taylor is a TV personality i don't know very well.

The only thing i DO know about this man is that he's on TV as guest-something-or-other in various TV shows.

He was on "To Tell the Truth" game show and I believe currently, he's on "Pet Star". In both instances, he is a judge of some contest.

I heard someone say recently that they felt sad for this guy.

Sad? Are you freaking kidding me? These "once-been" (i don't like to use has-been) actors, actresses, comediennes, etc. make close to 50,000k at LEAST to be on any show like this. If they do two or three stints on any TV production, they make above average income. Now, struggling actors/actresses starting out in the biz have it tough, and they don't make that kind of money but if you hit it big once, you have the resources most of the time to get by. You may not be able to live in glamour but you can live better than the minimum wage single mother struggling to feed her child.

I also hate the arrogance of some people. This one girl i know in my trade school said to me that $75,000 a year isn't enough to live on.

I was f*ck*ng shocked. I asked her, but how can most of America live?

She considered them poor.

I suppose then i'm destitute beyond help.

What i find striking is that she is of "African-American" decent. I will talk about her "ethnic" background because though I am not black, I grew up in a destitute area where many minorities including blacks lived. My close friends in adulthood dubbed my childhood area as "ghetto shit town". They are not incorrect in making that assessment because when i went by recently, it was still shitty and dangerous. I wondered what all of my old neighbors and friends who were also of "African-American" decent and were at the bottom of the socioeconomic ladder would say in response to this girl's statement.

I think they would be upset.

I brought up this "African-American" example because the girl was black. This statement could have easily come from any race and my response would have been the same. I have seen the struggle of poor individuals from every background imaginable. I'm amazed that $74,000 was considered poor by this girl. I think most people would give an arm or a leg to make that much a year.

I guess middle class would be even more out of reach if the world had revolved around her idea of life.

Anyway, I forgot what the point of this rant was so i'll end it by saying, "don't cry for Meshach Taylor."

Time is running out

So the Voyager space craft reached interstellar space. Bravo. This is an example of NASA's heyday.

Time is running out for me. I want contact with extraterrestrial intelligence and i'm not getting younger. I have a plan to do it.

I think we should launch millions and millions of payloads into space. It does not matter where those damn things end up. I just want to send as many space vehicles/junk into space and away from earth. I call it the shotgun approach to finding "life". Maybe, just maybe, some dude in another part of the universe will find one of our debris and get curious.

Now some may wonder, what if they come to enslave the human race?

My answer. Who cares. By the time they get here, I'd probably be in my golden years ready to enter the afterlife (aka fertilizer farm). War? Slavery? Piracy? Bring it on. I was hoping humanity would become a pirate race traveling through space anyway.

Electric Mobility

There was an elderly individual on one of those electric mobility scooters. The battery was faulty (he man was constantly kicking it) and the mobile chair was extremely jerkey. Suddenly, the chair got some juice and the chair bolted across the walkway toward me at lightning speed. I thought I was going to get run over. Fortunately, he swerved and sped toward the busy intersection.

He managed to stop before he hit an oncoming truck.

Moral of the story? We need better energy storage technology.

Criminals and work

I'm driving home from another day of grueling work when this guy cut me off.

Now, I don't like to stereotype but this guy was clearly a criminal.

He had tattoos. He had a shaved head. He had a murderous look in his eyes. He looked frustrated. He looked as though he felt the world was against him in every possibly way and like a frightened animal in a fit of rage, he was ready to strike at the first thing that came within' arms...or in this case car's length.

Does this description remind you of a criminal? It shouldn't unless you're a racist. I called him a criminal because he cut me off. And under this state's laws, cutting people off constitute reckless driving and can be ticketed or fined. If pedestrians were in danger, he could even be charged with a misdemeanor.

-Going insane

Dunkin' Donuts Part Dooks

Well, it happened.

The Dunkin' Donuts I frequently visit and the establishment that served me that terrible Latte I mentioned previously was involved in a fire. It apparently happened yesterday due to some faulty wiring. Surprise surprise.

Hopefully, when it's rebuilt, they'll serve better drinks. Ouch. Too soon?

Most Impressive.

At least i'm not hanging out with Odysseus.

The Dante's Inferno Test has banished you to the Sixth Level of Hell - The City of Dis!
Here is how you matched up against all the levels:

Level	Score
Purgatory (Repenting Believers)	Very Low
Level 1 - Limbo (Virtuous Non-Believers)	Very High
Level 2 (Lustful)	Low
Level 3 (Gluttonous)	Moderate
Level 4 (Prodigal and Avaricious)	Very Low
Level 5 (Wrathful and Gloomy)	Low
Level 6 - The City of Dis (Heretics)	Very High
Level 7 (Violent)	Low
Level 8- the Malebolge (Fraudulent, Malicious, Panderers)	Moderate
Level 9 - Cocytus (Treacherous)	Low

Take the Dante's Inferno Hell Test

Mr. Bush's choice

Mr. Bush spoke at the graduation of a small Christian Liberal Arts college, Calvin College yesterday.

First, Christian Liberal Arts is an oxymoron. You cannot have "Liberal Arts" as a Christian. That would be against the Christian faith. Often, these "Liberal Arts" programs fill honest Christian students' heads with wild heretical ideas that lead them astray. Its paradox is similar to the term Christian Science. Science is a disease, destroying every honest Christian belief we hold dear.

Some students wore stickers that said "God is neither Democrat nor Republican." This is not true. Once again, this is an example of how the corruptive influence of so called "higher education" can destroy the innocent mind. True Christians are NOT democrats. They are faithful Republicans. After all, God would never support the murder of the innocent fetus.

This is another reason why we must not support these heretical movements such as Harry Potter. My friend Yenemy loathes Harry Potter. I applaud him for his stance on these books. Yenemy's faith in our Lord and of Bush convinced him to throw these books away and out of sight. Please join me on July 16th in protesting the release of the new Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince. My local Barnes and Noble reduced the price of the book to $18 just to lure and tempt the faithful into buying these horrible books. I will be there with the true Book and my Cross.

I respect Mr. Bush's choice to speak at this school. However, I believe that he shouldn't have wasted his precious time at some ungrateful school. He could have spent his time speaking with the truly faithful like myself at a rally or a town meeting.

Diabetes USA

I went to Dunkin' Donuts to get a latte.

They have this new promotion. They're selling this concoction called "Chocolate Dipped Latte". I love new and strange crap from various fast food joints.

I decided to try this new drink.

Boy, was it a mistake.

I'm going to give the Dunkin Donuts franchise the benefit of the doubt and say that all drinks branded under this new promotion probably do not taste like one big sugar glob like the one i received today.

My drink was SO THICK and full of Sugar/Chocolate/Strawberry Jam that i couldn't even get the damn thing through a straw, let alone down my throat. And this was WITHOUT the standard whipped cream that they pile on top. It was so sweet that I could have used a teaspoon of this concoction for breakfast syrup on sweet sweet waffles.

I thought to myself, if I drank this for one week, i would have full blown adult onset diabetes. Disgusting.

I ended up throwing that away.

This is a warning. Don't drink the Choco Dipped Lattes unless you want to die.

Also, I'm thowing this story on the ongoing saga of crappy customer service pile.

New Fashions are here

As someone in retail, I must be always up to date on the lastest trends. Well, the new fall line of clothing is here.... and it's exactly the same.

There are many men in my industry that are of "special orientation". They seem to enjoy the supposed greatness of new styles. As a heterosexual male, it is an experience i cannot fully understand.

Frankly I don't give a crap. I'm there to earn some money so I can pay for trade school. Hopefully by the end, I'll be able to move on to some managerial postition at Target or Macy's.

In fact, a cush job at Target would suit me just fine.

I am a badass Jedi

Star Wars Horoscope for Libra

You are on a lifelong pursuit of justice and determined to succeed. You convey the art of persuasion through force. You always display your supreme intelligence. You have a great talent in obtaining balance between yourself and your surroundings. Star wars character you are most like: Obi Wan Kenobie

What is Your Star Wars Horoscope?

Is this accurate?

You Have A Type A- Personality

A- You are one of the most balanced people around Motivated and focused, you are good at getting what you want You rule at success, but success doesn't rule you. When it's playtime, you really know how to kick back Whether it's hanging out with friends or doing something you love! You live life to the fullest - encorporating the best of both worlds

Do You Have a Type A Personality?

Ghonie was a Smart Executioner in a past life. Discover your past lives @ Quiz Me

Newsweek

http://abcnews.go.com/US/wireStory?id=760160

I don't even know what to say. If Newsweek is found to be in the wrong, I will be pissed off beyond imagination. The damage these f***ers have caused cannot be quantified. The reporters and the editors should be made to go to the homes of the family members who lost a loved one due to the riots/protests.

It happened again

I went to McDonald's today. Due to my financial situation, I have to resort to eating at only the most elite establishments such as this.

Me: Hi, may I have the #9 combo. It's the filet o' fish combo.

MD Guy: Coke with your meal right?

(Okay, let me explain. Apparently, around here, they don't ask you what drink you want. Instead, they tell you what i'm supposed to be drinking. Now, if they assumed Coke all the time, I could start to speculate that maybe the franchise is pushing Coke or whatever. But this McDonald's changes it up. One time they would say, "Root Beer right?" like they knew me or something. Perhaps the guy has ESP and can sense my wants and needs through the speakerbox. Not only that, this shit happens at Wendy's and at Taco Bell. I think it might be a regional thing where they force drink choices on you. Anyway, back to the story)

Me: No, I'll have the Barqs.

MD Guy: That'll be $6.50.

Me: Woah woah. No, i ordered the combo. It says here the price is $4.95.

MD Guy: *silence*

(So I drive up to the window.)

Me: I think that's the wrong price. I asked for the #9 combo.

MD Guy: Oh sorry about that. $5.25.

Me: Here you go. Thanks.

(I pick up my food at the next window. They hand me an orange drink.)

Me: Uh. I ordered Barqs.

MD Guy #2: A what?

Me: The root beer.

MD Guy #2: Oh, my bad

(I don't even mind the hip language, though I'm not "WITH IT")

MD Guy #2: Here's your meal.

Me: Thanks.

(At this point I drive off and enter the highway/fast street/pothole shit road. I open up my bag to munch on some frenchies when I find out that something smells weird. ...They gave me the fucking Quarter Pounder... I can't believe this has been happening to me ALL year long. I don't know what's happening. I'm like in some bizzaro world. I think there is only one answer. I cannot speak english)

You scored as Existentialist. Existentialism emphasizes human capability. There is no greater power interfering with life and thus it is up to us to make things happen. Sometimes considered a negative and depressing world view, your optimism towards human accomplishment is immense. Man is condemned to be free and must accept the responsibility. Existentialist 100% Postmodernist 100% Idealist 75% Cultural Creative 75% Modernist 69% Materialist 69% Romanticist 0% Fundamentalist 0% What is Your World View? created with QuizFarm.com

Hospital

Estaba en el hospital porque tuve la rodilla inflamada. Fue a la sala de emergencia and tuve que esperar en la sala de espera por quatro horas!

Fortune Cookie

I like eating Fortune Cookies. They're tasty. I don't know why some people hate Fortune Cookies.

Someone at my trade school keeps calling me John. My name is Horacio damn it!!

Customer Service

I hate the customer service around here, especially the fast food joints.

Today:

Taco Bell Incident 5/11/05

Me: Yeah, may i have the nacho supreme with no beans, a taco salad, and 2 regular tacos?

TB Guy: So you want a burrito supreme with tacos?

Me: No, no. NACHO supreme with NO beans, a taco salad and 2 regular tacos.

TB Guy: We don't have a taco salad.

Me: But you have a big poster here with big letters saying "Try our new Taco Salad". Did you guys run out?

TB Guy: No sir. We have never sold taco salads.

Me: Ok, just give me the nachos and the 2 regular tacos.

TB Guy: No beans right?

Me: Right.

TB Guy: Please drive around to the window

Me: How much is it?

TB Guy: *silence*

Me: *sigh*

I get my order and i get home. They gave me nacho supreme with extra beans. I have never seen this big pile of shitty beans my whole life. They got the 2 tacos right. The sauce they gave me was for KFC Chicken.

This shit happens to me ALL THE time.

El nino esta resfriado

Nada fuera de lo comun.

Walls, Doors, and music

I really hate music. I hate the fact that people are addicted to it. How is it that a human cannot go 1 minute without freakin' music?

STOP LISTENING TO MUSIC. Enjoy the silence, especially when the walls, doors, and floors are super thin and are made of half inch drywall.

I fucking hate music.

Addendum to: To WAR!

Do not confuse me with Mr. Pubes. Mr. Pubes is someone else entirely.

Mr. Pubes has secret powers....he can murder people with his extensions. He also gains energy from them. You should see him on the basketball court.

To WAR!

I'm a 13 year old pube boy. I learned many things during the presidency of George W. Bush. I learned that it's okay to go to war for freedom and it's okay to go to war to spread democracy. I am not being facetious. I believe it 100% unlike the stupid liberals chanting anti-american slogans like "Be smart, don't start!". Now i feel as though this blog thingie has become extremely socialistic, maybe even marxist heaven forbid. Therefore, I must spread my brand of democracy everywhere. And like my mentor, I will declare war on any that curb my right to spread freedom. I have learned that a nearby blogger/commie named Yenemy is a hippie liberal commie. Therefore, I declare war on that hippie son of a bitch.

I am sending a tacticle (like a testicle) nucular bomb up Yenemy's liberal patulous hole of sinful business.

Next move is yours commie.

Dead kid on the street

I just remembered something from my childhood. I remember walking back from school when i saw a dead body on the corner of the street. Apparently, the kid was shot and stabbed (you believe that shit?) while he too was going home. I remember seeing the feet sticking out of the sheets on that bloody corner. I went into the 7-11 and bought myself a Whatchamacallit.

Stupid drive-bys. They destroyed that 7-11 a year later. And the freaking dairy was shot up by a Uzi.

I also remember the race wars. But that's another story.